06-23-2016, 09:46 PM
I feel weird in saying this and Iâm kind of thinking out loud based on your original post, but maybe he needs to transition from masturbating/fucking to relationship sex? Kind of from self-ish sex to self-less sex. Iâm not saying your bf is selfish but more the mentality of relationship sex and doing things for your partnerâs pleasure.
Saying 'we can talk about anything' in a relationship is fine in theory but as you get to know more about that person, they may not handle the direct approach as well as they thought they could. If he has self esteem issues as youâve indicated, he may be more inclined to handle the direct approach as criticism rather than lover talking to lover.
Since you have more experience, take the lead. Iâm thinking in terms of something like Teach/Reward/Request --use pillow talk to your advantage. lol.
Teach: I like this â¦
Reward: When you do this â¦, I just about explodeâ¦
Request: I would love it if you did â¦
From there he may 'get it' and realize he needs to reciprocate. Also maybe since he's not into oral, ask if rather than sucking you until you come, could he just mouth you a while as part of foreplay? When he's kissing on/exploring your body, you know? Don't make it about completion???
Other things would be playfully ask if he were to make/write porn, what would be the script? Get more in touch with his turn ons...
My bf and I are both verse, not sure if youâve ever done edging with a partner but, you might want to explore that angle. Have you guys tried mutual masturbation maybe with you sitting in his lap, using hands rather than mouth and you can still kiss?
I just think you need to slow him down, teach how to make love, share sex, share his body with someone rather than performing a service. It needs to go from âwe had sex, great sex,â to where you both lay there with your mind blown/you both emotionally came. haha
I do think it's important to explore sex with a person before committing too soon. I would fear that he may be a lazy lover and have similar concerns as you about my own needs not being met over time. It does sound like you are missing foreplay and sex play.
Saying 'we can talk about anything' in a relationship is fine in theory but as you get to know more about that person, they may not handle the direct approach as well as they thought they could. If he has self esteem issues as youâve indicated, he may be more inclined to handle the direct approach as criticism rather than lover talking to lover.
Since you have more experience, take the lead. Iâm thinking in terms of something like Teach/Reward/Request --use pillow talk to your advantage. lol.
Teach: I like this â¦
Reward: When you do this â¦, I just about explodeâ¦
Request: I would love it if you did â¦
From there he may 'get it' and realize he needs to reciprocate. Also maybe since he's not into oral, ask if rather than sucking you until you come, could he just mouth you a while as part of foreplay? When he's kissing on/exploring your body, you know? Don't make it about completion???
Other things would be playfully ask if he were to make/write porn, what would be the script? Get more in touch with his turn ons...
My bf and I are both verse, not sure if youâve ever done edging with a partner but, you might want to explore that angle. Have you guys tried mutual masturbation maybe with you sitting in his lap, using hands rather than mouth and you can still kiss?
I just think you need to slow him down, teach how to make love, share sex, share his body with someone rather than performing a service. It needs to go from âwe had sex, great sex,â to where you both lay there with your mind blown/you both emotionally came. haha
I do think it's important to explore sex with a person before committing too soon. I would fear that he may be a lazy lover and have similar concerns as you about my own needs not being met over time. It does sound like you are missing foreplay and sex play.
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