07-23-2016, 07:28 PM
Hey [MENTION=20947]MikeW[/MENTION]! I'm glad you pitched in. 
One of the things I found interesting in reading your post was that I can sort of see myself in both Thomas and David.
Pre-Gideon.... I was a total Thomas, except I would have never allowed myself to enter into a relationship, even an open one. Although, should I have continued on that path for a number of years longer, it's possible I might have gone for an open relationship scenario.
Post-Gideon.... I turned into a David. I just... have become -too- emotionally invested to be able to share him with any level of comfort. Fortunately, he and I are on the same page on this. In fact, he was on the page from the beginning back when I was still trying to convince him if he wanted to fuck around it would be okay.
I agree with what you're saying here. But I think this is one of those things where there can be a detrimental break in compatibility as well (much like you and David). Some people are simply wired to be monogamous. No amount of needs from their partner is going to change this, and thus stepping out on them is emotionally (and possibly psychologically) damaging to these people. On the other hand, some people are more comfortably wired for open relationships, and that's okay IMO, as long as they are choosing a partner that can -handle- that type of relationship with them.
If two people are incompatible in this area, though? I think that when the urge to stray strikes, the right and responsible thing to do is break up with the monogamous-minded person. Just my opinion, of course.
One of the things I found interesting in reading your post was that I can sort of see myself in both Thomas and David.
Pre-Gideon.... I was a total Thomas, except I would have never allowed myself to enter into a relationship, even an open one. Although, should I have continued on that path for a number of years longer, it's possible I might have gone for an open relationship scenario.
Post-Gideon.... I turned into a David. I just... have become -too- emotionally invested to be able to share him with any level of comfort. Fortunately, he and I are on the same page on this. In fact, he was on the page from the beginning back when I was still trying to convince him if he wanted to fuck around it would be okay.
Quote:Being fed by the exclusivity within a monogamous relationship is another good point. In your case with @Gideon, I get the impression you feel completely satisfied with one another, not the least bit interested in or drawn to having sexual experiences with anyone else.
The thing is, in my experience at least, that's rare in a relationship; especially after many years of being together. If we hold that up as some sort of "ideal model" of what a relationship should look like, then the consequences are going to be sexual frustration and, worse, first of all "cheating" and secondly a lot of lonely gay men who can't find The One And Only Mr. Right.
I agree with what you're saying here. But I think this is one of those things where there can be a detrimental break in compatibility as well (much like you and David). Some people are simply wired to be monogamous. No amount of needs from their partner is going to change this, and thus stepping out on them is emotionally (and possibly psychologically) damaging to these people. On the other hand, some people are more comfortably wired for open relationships, and that's okay IMO, as long as they are choosing a partner that can -handle- that type of relationship with them.
If two people are incompatible in this area, though? I think that when the urge to stray strikes, the right and responsible thing to do is break up with the monogamous-minded person. Just my opinion, of course.
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