There are no people of "same age" for me

[Aquarius]

Axle, glad about some of the questions you're asking, cos there might be things that I haven't thought about myself so far.

You do speak about your not having a job... Ask yourself, is it bothering you more than it is people you might be dating? I have a feeling you're worried about their judgement more than you should.

It could well be that it bothers me more than potential partners.

Not to shy away from the elephant in the room, but do you want a job? Are you able to have a job? Not trying to pry, but thinking hey if this issue that you bring up frequently here on GS is problem for you then perhaps that area should be explored.

Depends on. I would like a job that would suit me. Something creative, something with organization. Something part time that leaves me enough time to be myself. The only realistic chances that I have rightnow is sorting stuff into the supermarket shelves. Despite a university degree. And to answer your question: No, I don't want a job like that.
I'm bitter, yes, because I worked hard for that degree, for many years cos I was dealing with depressions and puberty at the same time, and I am absolutely bitter that this was wasted time and energy. But also, it is a worthless degree, because it isn't a job qualification.. just to be a translator maybe.. I studied Scandinavian Studies. I don't want a job just "to have a job", no.

I'm not disabled, but my condition means that I don't work well in stress situations, when more than one thing disturbs my thoughts, then I'm losing focus and might even become nervous and bitchy. When reading job requirements I'm closing the page as soon as I read about people having to be fine with stress situations.

So you wonder why I keep bringing up this topic... because it "defines" me in the eyes of the others.
When the first question is "what do you do for a living?" after you know someone's name, then it's - that's how I understand it - a way that people use to quickly get to know a person, something that majorly affects how they see a person. If someone asks "I'm a CEO of an international business", and his identic twin says "I'm a cleaner", you immediately have two different concepts of nearly the same person. Depending on where you stand yourself on the career spectrum, you want to get to know the one or the other one more or less. Now imagine a third identic twin saying "I'm nothing, I don't have a job", so someone is even outside of the career spectrum, how much is that affecting your "getting to know" technologies? Isn't it creating an awkward depressive silence, where the one who asked the question just didn't expect that cos it's so rare? I am feeling bad when someone asks me this question, and I don't want anyone to feel guilty for asking a normal question.

I don't suffer from having no job, I suffer from getting sorted into a box.
I suffer from being jealous on the one side (he has achieved something by his own power, he gets to travel, he maybe earns a lot of money), and I suffer from people being jealous on me on the other side (he doesn't need to get up every morning before sunrise, he doesn't have to sit all day in an ugly office, he doesn't have to work hard to survive, he has holidays all the fucking time...), or even getting looked down upon ("he didn't achieve anything in life").

At least all this is what I think is true, it could be that I'm projecting though.

Being into younger guys, at least from my experience is a slipperly slope, most are going to be way too immature for your tastes. They might be younger looking and most of them are going to just coming out of college or whatever and coming to terms with their sexuality.

I'm not sure. Define "immature"... then maybe I can reply. Maybe I'm immature too?

My question is why would you not be able to date someone who is closer to your age? Is it preference?

It's both, preference and common sense.

Preference:
When I was 12, I was into guys in their early 20s. When I was 23, I was into guys in their early 20s. Now I am into guys in their early 20s.. and I still can find guys in their early 30s attractive.
While my emotional/romantic attraction goes up until 30, the only attraction that I feel to a minority of guys my age is sexually. And guess what, I am not interested in pure sex.

The majority of guys my age doesn't interest me at all. I could as well take a woman, seriously.
I tried to educate myself to get into guys my age, but it was bound to fail. It's like trying to turn gay people straight. It won't happen.

Common sense:
As said, they might be my age on the ID, but they are not at the same point in life. I will always feel like a child compared to guys my age and it makes me feel like I am submitting myself, whereas I see myself as dominant.

It wouldn't be healthy for me to be with a guy my age. It would be complete nonsense.

On the other side though, I don't want to be a creep who hits on 20 year olds. I am well aware only a minority of younger guys are into guys my age, and among this minority, it's only a minority that isn't interested in money or career.

Conclusion: I'm hopeless. But that's why I'm seeing a counselor and soon a new therapist.