Is it okay to NEVER come out?

[drobs]

I grew up very conservative - Born Again Christian. Went to a Baptist College was in the Army during the DADT days. Spent a semester in Seminary studying for a M-Div. Knew I was gay but fought it till I was in my early 20's and was publicly outed after a relationship with someone in my church. Everyone found out except for the Military (thank god).

Once I was outed I had to make a choice - do I accept myself as gay and enjoy life being out? Or do I go back in the closet - "repent" and keep fighting who I am - keep living that sin, repent, guilt cycle?

The fear of coming out or being outed was loss of leadership positions in the church I attended at the time, it was an irrational fear that I would be disowned by my parents. Add in some religious guilt in there and I just wasn't happy.

I made the decision to stay out. To accept myself as being gay and rejecting the self hate, the fear of others knowing, and the guilt.

One of the things that helped was moving out of Mom & Dad's house. I went an rented a room in a house till I could find a roommate to share an apartment with.

I lost some friends, I made some new friends, and my real friends showed me who there were. Took Mom & Step Dad some time - a couple 5 years but they eventually got over it and more or less accepted me. Sure I was kicked out of the Will for a couple years. I told my parents that I'll make my own way in life, with or without you. Your choice.

So what am I getting at here?

You need to make your own way in life. Accept yourself, move forward, be true to yourself, don't think you need to live a lie.

Best of luck...