Money is the Anthem of success...

[InbetweenDreams]

I find it odd...

Yeah... I guess. You need money.

And for those of you who need that money, there's surely more you need, in order to get that money.

And so, why is it specifically the money you mention?

I suppose 30 is a psychological milestone. To be honest it doesn't matter that much. Just that a lot of people are becoming more judgmental about it. However, it is very expensive to live by yourself, most people have roommates, bf's or whatever. Me, I'm not very trusting.... I've honestly been waiting for Mr. Right to come along before I entertain the idea of moving in with someone. However, I suppose I am going to have to quit spending my money on frivolous things and just get my own place because the odds of me meeting the right guy any time soon seems to me unfavorable.

My real problem is spending. I could easily afford a place if I didn't have credit card debt. Last year I decided I could afford a muscle car, and well I did, I just had zero money after all the bills were paid. I did finally trade it in for a car much less expensive which has helped but I've since gone on and racked up a lot of debt. I'm an impulse buyer and often feel good when I buy stuff. So when I feel bad sometimes shopping for stuff makes me feel good. I suppose it helps make up for things out of balance lets just say.

I suppose that is also why the thought of lighting up a cigarette seemed, for a moment, appealing.

I know I'm not some low life bottom feeder, I have accomplished some things but at times doesn't really feel like it. I certainly could have if I never went out after what I wanted or went to school at all.

So I think not that money is the room of all evil, it can be if you let it, but it can be the root of all despair.

The car didn't make me happy. Actually even with it being brand new the damn thing blew up the same day I bought it.... I guess if there were ever a sign, a brand new sports car blowing up when you buy it would be it. I think it was more the anticipation and the thrill of it, lasted for a while but it wears off. Same thing with the theater system.

Many parallels to the video [MENTION=1766]princealbertofb[/MENTION] posted. I find the things that do have a lasting effect are the things I can do with my friends, the few I do have and can hang out with on a semi-regular basis, sort of. People live far away out here...it's a 40 minute drive for me to go hang out with a couple I'm friends with, another lives 45 minutes away the other direction. So it is hard to say hey let's go have a beer. That and seldom does anyone come visit me, I'm always the one doing the visiting, doesn't matter who. I also often on dates end up paying...though not always, of course it depends on who but most guys I guess want to be wined and dined and then say you're not good enough for them.

So there it is, my goddamned life on display and the majority of the personal problems I have. I suppose it really isn't the money, it is about happiness and when things are out of balance you'll go swipe plastic to be happy for a moment. I don't even know where to begin, I'm pretty much at the point of getting a consolidation loan and cutting up the cards, I think that will be the only way out in the foreseeable future. The rest of my problems...I don't know I guess go on happy pills? I don't think anything is going to change anytime soon.