11-06-2016, 10:54 PM
Feeling very depressed today. I just can't figure out why I can't find a guy to 'be with me'.
the 'situation' I was in was my 'gay couple' friends...one of them made a move on me more than a year ago, and like, gradually became a 'regular thing'... I'm someone who doesn't connect with people very well... I avoid the situations that make me uncomfortable and I end up by myself a lot, at home... If I was more secure in myself, maybe I could have not ended up in this situation... But the what I thought was "chemistry" was so amazing...he was amazing... got pulled in more and more... I thought I could do the "just sex" thing with him like he was thinking of it... but it just opened all kinds of 'stuff' for me... I think it's over now... after it all coming up one night as we all were out, and I got too drunk and became emotional... I didn't realize to the degree I had 'some kind of feelings' for him. I don't think I'm in love with him, but the way the sex was... for me I felt close to him...
Any way, I'm an emotional mess... i feel that my personality glitches... issues with social situations is so weird... I'm NEVER going to find a guy who DOES THAT (like he did) to me in bed, and still want to love me....
I don't feel I'm ever going to "pull myself together" enough again to 'look good' to someone else. I feel so isolated... and I feel the guys that I'm attracted to me don't even see me. So tired of living my life without love or hope of love. Tired of doing the day to day JUNK with no help.
I hate typing it all out... so much inside... just cried through all of this... 'something in the air' today that it all hit me...
the 'situation' I was in was my 'gay couple' friends...one of them made a move on me more than a year ago, and like, gradually became a 'regular thing'... I'm someone who doesn't connect with people very well... I avoid the situations that make me uncomfortable and I end up by myself a lot, at home... If I was more secure in myself, maybe I could have not ended up in this situation... But the what I thought was "chemistry" was so amazing...he was amazing... got pulled in more and more... I thought I could do the "just sex" thing with him like he was thinking of it... but it just opened all kinds of 'stuff' for me... I think it's over now... after it all coming up one night as we all were out, and I got too drunk and became emotional... I didn't realize to the degree I had 'some kind of feelings' for him. I don't think I'm in love with him, but the way the sex was... for me I felt close to him...
Any way, I'm an emotional mess... i feel that my personality glitches... issues with social situations is so weird... I'm NEVER going to find a guy who DOES THAT (like he did) to me in bed, and still want to love me....
I don't feel I'm ever going to "pull myself together" enough again to 'look good' to someone else. I feel so isolated... and I feel the guys that I'm attracted to me don't even see me. So tired of living my life without love or hope of love. Tired of doing the day to day JUNK with no help.
I hate typing it all out... so much inside... just cried through all of this... 'something in the air' today that it all hit me...
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
