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[InbetweenDreams]

I know what you mean. I am always told things will get better, but they don't.

Or the classic, you're still young...there's still time...

I've been getting that for like...10 years lol

I guess it might help if I did live in a city but I can't confirm that. I have been wrong a few times on things.

I mean I suppose I could just go after sex...maybe I'll find some kind of companionship there since chivalry fell on its sword.

Bugger that, don't listen to other people, you only get ahead by doing it yourself. I'm fed up of waiting for others. I've been waiting years to go on a proper holiday but no seems to want to go with me so I'm going to book a holiday and do it on my own if needed (I'm disabled mind you so will need help so it's going to be a challenge to do on my own).

Well it's not so much people say it. It's just the outcomes of things, that leads me to feel this way.

I suppose I could use a vacation, like a real vacation, not just visiting family and so on... I've always felt that me trying to do all that alone would just make me feel worse. I suppose I just need to plan exactly what I am going to do and I guess just make the best of it.

I had a friend who went out to the Western US by himself, he seemed to really enjoy it. I just feel like I would be very lonely, maybe I am wrong and would like it.

Ehhh...and then there is a whole money thing and me wanting to go back to school...

Or I could say fuck that since there is the likelihood that going to school, taking out loans and all that, even if I do get a degree will more than likely not get me a job that makes much more than I do now and then have a pile of debt to pay. Not liking that outcome. They had some younger people they were interviewing about POTUS and one of them said they were going to have $200,000 in student loans. I'm like....you're never going to pay that off... I'm whinning about maybe $20,000 and that's a lot of money to have looming over you. Student loans in this country are ran by a bunch of loan sharks called the government. You cannot get away from it. They will come after everything you have.

Anyway. It is like I know what I want in life, sort of, but I just don't seem to be getting anywhere.

Sometimes, I get so damn pissed off about everything... I feel like I'm circling the drain and just rather say to hell with it all. Fuck having a life.