Leo
11-09-2016, 05:33 PM
Well I do think one thing is for sure. My internal problems aren't just going to go away anytime soon. Not all days are bad days, I don't always feel "inadequate" but sometimes I do. I suppose there many triggers for feeling down in the dumps.
I know another thing. Sometimes I look at the times I have been in a crush for instance, you feel like they're the only one and there is no other and when things aren't panning out the way you want them to you feel that you had failed at the only shot. Which isn't true...
I do think that clip from TNG is very true. Sometimes you can make no mistake and still fail. I have seen that episode... Perhaps it is time for me to watch the series again.
The thing is that I know better than to think something or know that I'm a good looking guy and smarter than many people and I am certainly worth people's time and deserving of someone who will make me happy, just as happy as I do about them. I know that, but it is defying how feeling a certain why changes your logic, what you think. I do mostly agree that we choose what we think about, although it may seem second nature to worry about things, or compare yourself to someone else and wonder how the hell do you stand a chance when you're really putting someone on a pedestal in a way. Everyone has their insecurities, and we all wonder why they have them. It is easier to overlook someone else's flaws rather than your own, I am certainly guilty as charged there.
Being gay is often pretty lonely. Can't really talk about things with a lot of people, certainly a smaller and more sparse community and even within that community there are few people who can really relate to you.
Anyway. I did go to them gym, despite my cat pissing in my gym bag...little shit. So going to try making it a habit. I wish I had a gym partner or something but I suppose like everything else I'll just have to do it myself. I do feel better having gone to the gym yesterday. I just need to not make it feel like a chore, stop feeling guilty about everything else I am not supposedly doing...it is all in my head for the most part.
I know another thing. Sometimes I look at the times I have been in a crush for instance, you feel like they're the only one and there is no other and when things aren't panning out the way you want them to you feel that you had failed at the only shot. Which isn't true...
I do think that clip from TNG is very true. Sometimes you can make no mistake and still fail. I have seen that episode... Perhaps it is time for me to watch the series again.
The thing is that I know better than to think something or know that I'm a good looking guy and smarter than many people and I am certainly worth people's time and deserving of someone who will make me happy, just as happy as I do about them. I know that, but it is defying how feeling a certain why changes your logic, what you think. I do mostly agree that we choose what we think about, although it may seem second nature to worry about things, or compare yourself to someone else and wonder how the hell do you stand a chance when you're really putting someone on a pedestal in a way. Everyone has their insecurities, and we all wonder why they have them. It is easier to overlook someone else's flaws rather than your own, I am certainly guilty as charged there.
Being gay is often pretty lonely. Can't really talk about things with a lot of people, certainly a smaller and more sparse community and even within that community there are few people who can really relate to you.
Anyway. I did go to them gym, despite my cat pissing in my gym bag...little shit. So going to try making it a habit. I wish I had a gym partner or something but I suppose like everything else I'll just have to do it myself. I do feel better having gone to the gym yesterday. I just need to not make it feel like a chore, stop feeling guilty about everything else I am not supposedly doing...it is all in my head for the most part.
"I’m not expecting to grow flowers in a desert, but I can live and breathe and see the sun in wintertime"
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