Fobo

[InbetweenDreams]

Hmm, well sometimes I feel like I lack a true identity, like I feel that I am the epitome of ordinary, mediocre in some ways. I just struggle in finding what my purpose is...I suppose I could speculate why.

Well without making a long long post, I think one of the things that do bother me is that I don't have my own place. I have talked about it before, but I feel like I have kind of "waited" on things to change, like I was hoping to have a friend to be a roommate, rather than a stranger. Then my mother is very very ill, I feel bad about moving out because my father is a prick to her and I feel like I have to be the referee between them. I know I just need to bite the bullet and get out but I have to get rid of the insane amount of debt, making progress but it is probably going to take a couple years.

Then there's me questioning my sexuality, education. I really need to ask myself do I really need to go back to school? I mean there is a good chance that I may just end up with a lot of school loans and not being able to pay that off, or it taking 20 years... I don't want to be 50 paying off student loans.

I guess what I really really need is that one friend who I can be completely comfortable with talking to and be somewhat of a mentor sort of speak. I seem to do well with that but eh people go away.