Hi there

[baristajedi]

Hi, baristajedi. Thanks a lot for sharing with us. It seems that you've been through a lot. Glad that you made it through! May I ask, after divorce, whether you want to start a relationship with a woman? Do you mind being called "lesbian" instead of "gay woman"? Do you find these two terms different to you? I know little about gay women expect for a book I read a while ago, in which it focuses on "female masculinity" with a close examination on "tomboy" and "butch". Are these two offenvie to you? What term would you identify yourself with? Or maybe you don't want to be confined by any term?

I have too many questions. I am indeed a Mr. Curiosity.

Happy to share. Thanks for listening (reading)!

Yes, I've always known on some level that I want a wife… that's what I've been dreaming of for quite some time. The first time I remember having that thought was around the age of 22, at my stepbrother's wedding. And I tried to open up a conversation with my brother about it… but I wasn't articulating it very well.

I am dating someone right now, who I'm starting to feel quite serious about. She's such an amazing woman, everything I've always wanted in a partner. So… I'll update on that as time passes

I don't mind being called lesbian, I use every term - lesbian, gay, I even say dyke (I reclaim that word , because to me it was the word that hurt the most growing up, I've been called dyke a lot in my life because of the way I dress and cut my hair).

I did have some trouble with the word lesbian for a while, I liked gay better, mostly because I've had some struggle understanding my gender all of my life. I've always been a tomboy, and now look and feel quite butch. Something about the word lesbian didn't feel quite as natural to me as gay, but now I'm happy with any term that roughly means gay woman. And I'm also finally feeling quite at home with my gender. I love being a woman, but I dress in butch clothes, have butch hair, and that's just me.

In terms of labels, honestly, I love labels. I know a lot of people don’t like labels, but I find they help ground me, give me something secure to hold onto. When I started coming out, everything about my life was uncertain, I didn't even have family or friends around. Nothing to anchor me. But having a term to identify myself helped ground me and give me something to anchor myself. Even with nothing left to make me feel stable and secure, I have *me*, my identity, and so it has made me feel stronger to use labels.

What about you? Do you have any preference on terms or labels?