Hi there

[Alvin]

This is what I tried to post yesterday but got moderated...


Happy to share. Thanks for listening (reading)!

Yes, I've always known on some level that I want a wife… that's what I've been dreaming of for quite some time. The first time I remember having that thought was around the age of 22, at my stepbrother's wedding. And I tried to open up a conversation with my brother about it… but I wasn't articulating it very well.

I am dating someone right now, who I'm starting to feel quite serious about. She's such an amazing woman, everything I've always wanted in a partner. So… I'll update on that as time passes

I don't mind being called lesbian, I use every term - lesbian, gay, I even say dyke (I reclaim that word , because to me it was the word that hurt the most growing up, I've been called dyke a lot in my life because of the way I dress and cut my hair).

I did have some trouble with the word lesbian for a while, I liked gay better, mostly because I've had some struggle understanding my gender all of my life. I've always been a tomboy, and now look and feel quite butch. Something about the word lesbian didn't feel quite as natural to me as gay, but now I'm happy with any term. And I'm also finally feeling quite at home with my gender. I love being a woman, but I dress in butch clothes, have butch hair, and that's just me.

In terms of labels, honestly, I love labels. I know a lot of people don’t like labels, but I find they help ground me, give me something secure to hold onto. When I started coming out, everything about my life was uncertain, I didn't even have family or friends around. Nothing to anchor me. But having a term to identify myself helped ground me and give me something to anchor myself. Even with nothing left to make me feel stable and secure, I have *me*, my identity, and so it has made me feel stronger to use labels.

What about you? Do you have any preference on terms or labels?

Hi, glad to hear from you again.

How do you feel about being together with a woman? Is it to some extent different from being together with a man? I think the struggle of understanding gender is what most of us might have experienced along our way to maturity. Now I believe, from reading, that gender is by no means natural, but naturalized. The society overall tries to make us internalized with the false combination of "femininity=female" and "masculinity=male".

I am ok with labels. I identify myself with the term "gay" since I am both sexually and romantically attracted to men. However, on second thought, I have this friend (a girl), whom I enjoy being with a lot, and I assume it won't be a big problem for me to be with her without any intimacy (no cuddling, no kissing, no sex, only talking, cooking, and watching movies). That makes me think it may be true that sexual attraction and romantic attraction can be decoupled. That being said, it may also be nothing more than false perception as I have never been with her long enough to see if this works. Maybe I just enjoy talking, cooking, and watching movies with her. In a nutshell, I think I am gay, and I hope that I made myself clear despite the subtleties.

It happens to be that one of my thesis supervisors is also a lesbian, and she has her butch hair dyed ginger, which is super cool. Have you dyed your hair? Do you know Ellen Degeneres? She is also a lesbian with butch hair. Do you like her?

Alvin