Hi there

[Zen]

You're right. Gender is indeed a very fascinating topic. Simon de Beauvoir famously said that one is not born, but rather becomes a woman. We becomes either a man or a woman through a process of socialization. So while sex is a natural thing, gender is a socially constructed thing. I think we're all forced, more or less, to act in particular stereotypically feminine/masculine ways, including dress (as you said), ways of speaking, being deferential, so that we can have this binary opposition for us (men) to achieve a sense of dominance over women-- therefore a second sex.

According to Judith Butler, gender isn't something we have, but rather something we do. It's a strange thing to say, but she essentially thinks that "I do woman through a series of performative acts of femininity." -- how I talk, dress, think, and relate to other people. I agree with her that we're not aware of the fact that we're performing our gender. In other words, we are not consciously, voluntarily playing our roles, but we find ourselves playing our roles compelled or coerced by society. Maybe we have some control (at least some limited control) over our own gender performativity, and therefore even subvert our gender construction by acting in a way that are unexpected.

That's when I think Drag queen/king is really working their way to reconstruct or at least make us realize the idea of gender subversion. I have to say that, though I know quite a few about gender studies, I am by no means a recovered man. I am still recovering from the internal institutionalization of gender. As a gay man, I think I've always enjoyed a extended privilege in a heterocentric patriarchal society. Lesbians, on the other hand, suffer from not only heterocentricism but also patriarchy. Double pressure I would say, which makes me admire you as a out lesbian even more. You have this clear sense and confidence of who you are. You are not ashamed of your own gender identity. That's something like, as Halberstam called, "female masculinity". I agree with her that "masculinity must not and cannot and should not reduce down to the male body and its effects." Women have every right to celebrate their own masculinity. Hum... that reminds me of Ellen again.

Speaking of your profile, Edinburgh. That brings my mind to University of Edinburgh, and then England, and then Virginia Woolf...she's also a feminist I think, and a master of streams of consciousness...I am also having a stream of consciousness...so much going on in my mind but I couldn't figure out anything. Life is so queer.

Alvin! My fellow academic! I love Judith Butler. I remember seeing and interview with her a little while back, and when she talked about gender as something you do, a light bulb went on in my head and I felt like I had been cheated somehow. Think I have always had a battle between being physically quite big but spiritually sensitive and soft. Some astute observers have pointed it out to me! I think that now I'm not 'playing the straight man' I've become so much more accepting of all aspects of myself- I feel more relaxed and self accepting!