Why did I get ghosted?

[MikeW]

...Any insight? I want to know if there's anything I did wrong that I didn't see so I can avoid this happening in the future. I don't fall for people often, but when I do, it's fast -- but I am avoidant and reluctant to show it or be clingy (probably to a fault).

This has happened to me way too many times. It isn't so shocking if it was only a hookup... but when you felt some sort of "connection" ... it FEELS shocking. And I've asked myself and others much the same question you ask here.

First point: "Ghosting" someone says a lot about a person. Have I done it? No. I do block sometimes but I don't ghost. I just say, "not interested."

Dovetailing with the above, if someone ghosts me, I take it as having dodged a bullet. This tells me a LOT about this person. What it doesn't tell me is EXACTLY WHY (and it could be and probably is different in each individual case) he did it.

I believe that a LOT of young men who are using apps predominantly for hookups really are NOT interested in "getting to know you". They're looking for a 'real life' pornographic experience that may involve more fantasy than reality. Of course, there are exceptions and in part, it depends on which app you're using.

I also think many men have a problem with intimacy. The more they begin to have feelings for another man, the more vulnerable they feel... and sometimes what happens is "fear" and "avoidance" sets in. This may happen on a totally sub-conscious level. They don't know why, even if you asked, they just "are not into you".

But another lesson... and this is something it sounds like you and I share ... is we have to be VERY careful NOT to get overly invested in a 'relationship' too quickly. There has to be a more or less equal exchange of attraction, interest, openness, and so on. If the other guy isn't as "into me" as I am him, it's going nowhere. It is often difficult to find the balance point. Like you, I don't want to come off as "clingy" but, at the same time, I if I'm interested, I want that to be known. So, the way I handle it is, if they guy stops replying after I've made it clear I'm interested in seeing him (either for the first time or second), I just let it drop. The ball is in their court and if they're not into it, then that's that, regardless of their 'reason'. ... Again, dodging bullets. Imagine if they'd PRETENDED to be and then, later on, pulled back or away because they weren't being honest? For me, definitely more painful.