This guy...

[Zen]

I'm glad you mentioned your sons, because this is not just about you and your wife and another guy.
From what you've said in the past, you are not looking for just sex, you are looking for a heart connection. Right now your heart is still with your wife and children, as it should be.
After a break-up, many people regret jumping too quickly into a new relationship. It's even more complicated and probably more painful for you. Do you talk to your wife about how difficult this is for you? She has been terrific through all this and remember even if you are not sharing the same room, she is still your partner in life at this point in time. You are forever changing the lives of 4 people.
For all you know, the grass may not be greener on the other side.

I mean this to be realistic and not mean-spirited. You have much to work through. Maybe show down a bit?

Hey Darius! Thanks for posting! I don't think you're being mean spirited at all. It's the nice thing about this forum, everyone offers genuine advice. And yes you remembered correctly- I'm looking for a heart connection, and not sneaking around and lying to Sarah. You're so right the grass could be greener. We have discussed things and she knows it's difficult, I don't want to oversell the difficulty though as I'd hate to make her feel inadequate or that our past means nothing. So I am going very slow! Thanks again :-) Stu