Retroactive Jealousy

[Justaguy]

Hi The Goof,

Firstly I think it's important to recognise that jealousy is a perfectly natural emotion that all humans feel in some form or another. However, like fear, jealousy can sometimes surface for irrational reasons. As long as you don't let these irrational thoughts and feelings consume you, and then act irrationally because of them, you have no reason to have guilt for feeling the way that you do.

Personally, I don't mind saying that I am susceptible to feelings of jealousy, and I think that mine stem from the fact that I have a very low opinion of myself. My self esteem is quite low, and in my darker moments I genuinely believe that I am not good enough for my partner, and that most other men could make him happier or are more suited to him than me. Communicating this with my partner has helped me overcome a lot of my jealousy, and it is brilliant that you have also confided in your partner as well.

With regards to your previous partner, what he did was pretty despicable. Trying to make you feel worthless and guilty about things that you did before you were with him is just toxic. As for your fears that you will end up repeating his actions in your current relationship: the fact that you are on this forum asking for advice and trying to improve tells me that you are nothing like your ex and that you have nothing to worry about in that regard.

Overall, I think you should to go a bit easier on yourself and realise that your partner broke up with those men that he is still friends with for a reason, and that he is with you for a reason too. He must see something awesome in you that he likes. You just need to try and see what he sees for yourself and then once you do, hopefully over time those feelings of jealousy will become less and less.

Hope this helps you in some small way at least