Gemini
09-26-2021, 10:37 PM
Sounds like you care about him a lot, and in no way do I read what you're saying as if you were trying/wanting to control him.
I think everything you've mentioned I fully agree with. It sounds like you're looking long-term and understandably want him to sort/modify some areas so that you are both in a good position to support one another. I don't think it's unreasonable to make some sacrifices and meet in the middle to make the one you love happy. But you need to have that conversation with him to determine where the middle lies and from there, better understand if this is the right relationship for you.
and it works both ways, I know you said you support his hobby, but could maybe agree a spending cap or that the decision needs to be agreed as a partnership. All relationships are different with different mechanics and agreements which I can appreciate. I don't know how serious your relationship is, but I personally see mine and my partners income as one single amount which belongs to both of us. But again, I appreciate not all couples share money.
Maybe its worth setting goals i.e. buying a house etc... so he understands a bit better on what he should be saving his money on as a team.
As for the job aspect, again I think it's lovely that you want what's best for him. Could it be change he's scared of? i.e. he has a job, where he knows everyone and he knows what he's doing. It may not pay much, but it's safe and secure. I fear that with my job, I love it, but it sometimes holds me back when promotions come up. What if I'm not good at the new role? what if my team dislikes me? what if I get found out that I'm a fraud and they fire me?
Just keep doing what your doing, reassure him and let him know his worth and I'm sure at some point he'll take the plunge.
I know it's difficult being the one to support others when mentally you probably feel you could do with the support yourself. But from one random internet stranger to another, you're doing a great job and I'm proud of you.
My apologies if I've misunderstood or missed anything.
I think everything you've mentioned I fully agree with. It sounds like you're looking long-term and understandably want him to sort/modify some areas so that you are both in a good position to support one another. I don't think it's unreasonable to make some sacrifices and meet in the middle to make the one you love happy. But you need to have that conversation with him to determine where the middle lies and from there, better understand if this is the right relationship for you.
and it works both ways, I know you said you support his hobby, but could maybe agree a spending cap or that the decision needs to be agreed as a partnership. All relationships are different with different mechanics and agreements which I can appreciate. I don't know how serious your relationship is, but I personally see mine and my partners income as one single amount which belongs to both of us. But again, I appreciate not all couples share money.
Maybe its worth setting goals i.e. buying a house etc... so he understands a bit better on what he should be saving his money on as a team.
As for the job aspect, again I think it's lovely that you want what's best for him. Could it be change he's scared of? i.e. he has a job, where he knows everyone and he knows what he's doing. It may not pay much, but it's safe and secure. I fear that with my job, I love it, but it sometimes holds me back when promotions come up. What if I'm not good at the new role? what if my team dislikes me? what if I get found out that I'm a fraud and they fire me?
Just keep doing what your doing, reassure him and let him know his worth and I'm sure at some point he'll take the plunge.
I know it's difficult being the one to support others when mentally you probably feel you could do with the support yourself. But from one random internet stranger to another, you're doing a great job and I'm proud of you.
My apologies if I've misunderstood or missed anything.
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