09-05-2007, 04:29 PM
hello yal. i will give you some advice based on my own experience. i have been on the other side of the barricade - i have had a relationship with a married guy for 2 years.
there were special circumstances when we met and neither of us thought it would get anywhere. i was thinking i would be doing some good and bringing him closer to his family - there was another guy he was seeing who was taking advantage of him, financially and emotionally. so i decided i would take some sort of "saviour" role while moving forward myself (he was my first man).
but then things got bad. soon, in a few months, when he was free of that guy, i realized i had become the new danger in the situation. i was not well equipped to handle the situation so i moved along with it, especially because of the danger of him being pulled down again by that guy or some rebound guy. so, first piece of advice: be careful who you take by your side in whatever you do. there is a chance you can become very vulnerable in "the wrong hands". don't lose your head
after that, all hell followed. i never felt right, never felt happy, never felt free, safe, all my good intentions were shattered and i felt trapped and very bad about myself. i couldn't bring myself to act for fear of him doing something stupid / because i myself had fallen in love with him. it was moments of brief happiness followed by moments of anger, frustration, sorrow - mostly i was confused. it was like having the happiest moments tainted by a horrible infectious feeling of remorse and guilt. i am a very decent guy actually, despite this tale, and my entire being was begging me to take action. it was not until my imminet departure to belgium that i finally had the courage to end it. now i am helping him through the aftermath, as my love for him died, slowly consumed by those dark feelings bordering on self-loathing. so, second piece of advice: lying brings you no feeling of complete joy. there will be so much fear, desperation, questioning, frustration... be honest with yourself and everyone around you - but only when you finally realize what you want and who you are (gay or not), and don't let yourself fall into a vicious circle of unhappiness.
be true. be sure. be strong.
good luck!
t.
there were special circumstances when we met and neither of us thought it would get anywhere. i was thinking i would be doing some good and bringing him closer to his family - there was another guy he was seeing who was taking advantage of him, financially and emotionally. so i decided i would take some sort of "saviour" role while moving forward myself (he was my first man).
but then things got bad. soon, in a few months, when he was free of that guy, i realized i had become the new danger in the situation. i was not well equipped to handle the situation so i moved along with it, especially because of the danger of him being pulled down again by that guy or some rebound guy. so, first piece of advice: be careful who you take by your side in whatever you do. there is a chance you can become very vulnerable in "the wrong hands". don't lose your head
after that, all hell followed. i never felt right, never felt happy, never felt free, safe, all my good intentions were shattered and i felt trapped and very bad about myself. i couldn't bring myself to act for fear of him doing something stupid / because i myself had fallen in love with him. it was moments of brief happiness followed by moments of anger, frustration, sorrow - mostly i was confused. it was like having the happiest moments tainted by a horrible infectious feeling of remorse and guilt. i am a very decent guy actually, despite this tale, and my entire being was begging me to take action. it was not until my imminet departure to belgium that i finally had the courage to end it. now i am helping him through the aftermath, as my love for him died, slowly consumed by those dark feelings bordering on self-loathing. so, second piece of advice: lying brings you no feeling of complete joy. there will be so much fear, desperation, questioning, frustration... be honest with yourself and everyone around you - but only when you finally realize what you want and who you are (gay or not), and don't let yourself fall into a vicious circle of unhappiness.
be true. be sure. be strong.
good luck!
t.
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