Being a gay couple with children

[Lilmy87]

That used to be the case with gay couples. Until equality legislation here gave gay couples an equal right to adoption the agencies that did permit adoptions to gays would try and palm off the more difficult to place children, such as the older ones, boys, and those with other difficulties.

I don't know a lot about the history of gay adoption and policy relating to this, but if you are considering adoption I think that it is important to be aware that the vast majority of children who are put up for adoption are older, as child protection proceedings and the subsequent adoption process can take a long time. Furthermore, without wanting to stereotype adopted children, it is a matter of fact that a disproportionate amount of adopted children have behaviour problems and other issues; most have of course suffered serious abuse and neglect in their early years, and that usually has a profound effect a child's development and emotional well being.

Those that are put up for adoption as very young babies often have reasonably significant disabilities; some parents still choose to have there child adopted, if it has disabilities that were not apparent prenatally. In short, most people want 'perfect' babies, but very few get this.

Either way, while it is of course great that gay people have the right to adopt, and I'd hate to think of gay adopters (and the children they adopt) being treated unfairly within the process, I would say it is best not to think too much in terms of rights or entitlements when considering what kind of child one would like to adopt. As a potential adopter, one has to remember that the role of agencies is to find families for children, not to find children for families. It is not a case of being 'palmed off' with a 'difficult' child, but about finding the most suitable placement. I would reason that it is extra important not to discriminate against gay people as adopters, because that way one might be prevented from finding the best possible family for a child.

I heard a recent example of a gay couple who adopted a boy who was a bit older, and had quite significant behaviour problems. It was noted that the child responded well to men, being inclined to see them as more parental authority figures than women, so responded best to their management of his behaviour. For this, along with many other reasons, they were matched up, and this was very successful. My point it that it is not about the kind of child one wants, but finding the best family match up, so the child's needs can best be met. For that, I think adoption agencies and potential adopters should enter the process without prejudice.