02-03-2011, 01:49 AM
well, that post was four months ago.
lets see. I've been respecting my feelings about life.. and i think by sort of engaging with the reality, and being able to think of this as a transition period, i've spent a lot of time 'cleaning out the cobwebs' of different parts of my personal/internal life... parts that i kinda gave up when i started focusing my world aroudn someone else. been turning less to alcohol etc because that seems to blur the focus from what i need to do, and distract me from who i am.
i've joined a community chorus and community orchestra, and am meeting people left and right.
being able to fill my time like this after work is exactly what i've needed to kind of fill the void. i'm learning to feel more normal again, around people and in social situations. learning how to handle my deep emotions and learning to lighten up and be able to lose a little control here and there, and meeting people through healthy channels like this, in a safe type space.
there are nights when i come home exhausted and cry, but i cry because i feel responsible for me, and the things i accomplished that day.
I talked to my ex a few days ago, and hes like 'oh i wanna come visit you, can we get back together, what if i moved there for you.' and like, i think my clarity is helping me to a) see through his bruteness, and b) be more aware that there are good people out there. They aren't all gonna fill the same emotional space as he did... but they'll fill new and different lighter emotions, and hopefully in time that will help to cement who i am. i'm already starting to remember that diva i once was before, and how to take control of situations, and remembering my standards in friends and family members.
its taken such a long time of feeling so insecurity about projecting who i am.. but thats slowly getting better. caring less about what others care (because i got so used to caring about what my ex thought), and care only about what i think. its good, really good. i used to cry when i'd think someone thought i was pathetic or weird.. but now that i can stand up for what i am, i can make cleaner decisions about what i care about or not.
i have my first appt with a therapist tomorrow.. ... went to a party last weekend and got some cute gay males attention.. so that was great.
So.. yeah... fulfilling my destiny. its all in the stars
lets see. I've been respecting my feelings about life.. and i think by sort of engaging with the reality, and being able to think of this as a transition period, i've spent a lot of time 'cleaning out the cobwebs' of different parts of my personal/internal life... parts that i kinda gave up when i started focusing my world aroudn someone else. been turning less to alcohol etc because that seems to blur the focus from what i need to do, and distract me from who i am.
i've joined a community chorus and community orchestra, and am meeting people left and right.
being able to fill my time like this after work is exactly what i've needed to kind of fill the void. i'm learning to feel more normal again, around people and in social situations. learning how to handle my deep emotions and learning to lighten up and be able to lose a little control here and there, and meeting people through healthy channels like this, in a safe type space.
there are nights when i come home exhausted and cry, but i cry because i feel responsible for me, and the things i accomplished that day.
I talked to my ex a few days ago, and hes like 'oh i wanna come visit you, can we get back together, what if i moved there for you.' and like, i think my clarity is helping me to a) see through his bruteness, and b) be more aware that there are good people out there. They aren't all gonna fill the same emotional space as he did... but they'll fill new and different lighter emotions, and hopefully in time that will help to cement who i am. i'm already starting to remember that diva i once was before, and how to take control of situations, and remembering my standards in friends and family members.
its taken such a long time of feeling so insecurity about projecting who i am.. but thats slowly getting better. caring less about what others care (because i got so used to caring about what my ex thought), and care only about what i think. its good, really good. i used to cry when i'd think someone thought i was pathetic or weird.. but now that i can stand up for what i am, i can make cleaner decisions about what i care about or not.
i have my first appt with a therapist tomorrow.. ... went to a party last weekend and got some cute gay males attention.. so that was great.
So.. yeah... fulfilling my destiny. its all in the stars
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
