Can't determine myself, am I or not !

[nakatsusan]

guys guys guys !!!
I'm not blaming anyone from my childhood about anything. I was 6 or 7 years old and my neighborhood was 14 to 16 years old it was happening for couple of days, all I remember is that we kissed (or eat) each others ass and last day we did tried to penetrate (well I was the one who was about to be penetrated) but I clearly remember that it did not happened. I'm not blaming him it was made by me he did not forced me.
I don't want label generally I don't care about labels but being a gay for me means to leave my country and move to live somewhere else. Yes, I know it sounds ridiculously but it is true. yes gay people do exists in my country but they still live in underground situation and as I know my self I'm not the person who will live that type of life. I just need to know and because of some facts I cant determine it my self. even finding out that I'm gay or bi (mostly bi coz I like girls ) I'll have to live country so that no one finds out the real reason.
thing is that by taking label in my country means to hang red aim on your self. I cant even go to psychologist or sexual therapist they just don't exist. well maybe 3 or 6 but visiting them means that everyone knows what you are talking with them.
I do not ask your to tell me "you are gay" or "you are not gay". all I ask is,
how big influence can have my childhood incident on my subconsciousness ?
my complex about my body, how influent can it be ?
there is no way to just go and experiment with it "go try see how fare you can go, if fill good go to end if you fill it is not you stop just there " I can't afford that much for my self, as soon as I will cross that line even to talk about it not to have some thing with guy even a kiss. just crossing that line means that I don't have way back.