10-21-2010, 02:52 PM
Well Adam, you should have picked a Steve this time around...
Actually name association may be playing a big roll in your 'new' relationship.
So what is all this trying about anyways? What were or are you trying to do - Were you trying to find a new mate to get into a relationship with?
If so, then I am willing to bet that Ex-Adam and New Adam have more commonalities than just their names. I bet the reason why Adam (YOU) are Cheered up talking to Adam (New Adam) is because he reminds you of Adam (Ex-Adam) because two of these three Adams are more or less spitting images - if not physically then character wise.
You never ever 'get over' anyone. They are a part of you - for life. Lovely cheering thought that, no? You will carry Adam (ex) inside of you for the rest of your life. Unless you are one of the very fortunately who get hit by a car or fall off a roof and get permanent amnesia - then you don't have that nagging memory.
The reality is that Adam (Ex) will be a part of your life forever, you will measure other men (hopefully they will have different names than Adam) against Adam (Ex). Everything they do, you will compare what they did to what Adam (Ex) did. Everyone does it - it is all part of being human. Well we all don't use Adam (Ex) but we all have an ex that we compare all others too.
Love: The love you had for Adam (Ex) is a special, unique love. Adam (New) should not be having the same form of love that Adam (Ex) provoked. If it is the same, then you are loving Adam (Ex) not Adam (new). Each person you meet will evoke different 'flavors' of love. Often most people confuse these different 'flavors' of love to mean they do not love a new person, expecting love to be exactly the same each time around. Different person, different love.
Both Adams will have an impact on how you view other potential mates (Sorry, I do not see you and Adam (New) going too far down the path of life together, again sorry). If you are smart and listen to an old gay guy, then you will understand that you are using Adam(ex) and Adam (new) to compare and measure those other men and you may actually be able to break a few of these 'requirements' that if left unbroken will, most likely, lead to your repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
So, before you pursue Adam (New) any further, you need to look long and hard at him and ask yourself if you are seeing him or if you are seeing a reflection of Adam (Ex). You need to weight whatever feelings you have for this New Adam, to make certain you are not attempting to recreate the old Adam.
Also while you are doing all this deep thinking stuff, write a list of ten things YOU did wrong in the relationship with Adam (Ex). I don't mean find ten meaningless things you did wrong, but find ten relatively big things you did to mess up that relationship.
If you can't think of one - Its way too early for you to be looking for another man - seriously.
If you can think of 3-6 - you most likely haven't learned much from that last relationship and will, most likely, be entering into a short term relationship.
If you can think of 7 or more things YOU did wrong... you learned enough and are most likely going to enter into a long term relationship.
Actually name association may be playing a big roll in your 'new' relationship.
So what is all this trying about anyways? What were or are you trying to do - Were you trying to find a new mate to get into a relationship with?
If so, then I am willing to bet that Ex-Adam and New Adam have more commonalities than just their names. I bet the reason why Adam (YOU) are Cheered up talking to Adam (New Adam) is because he reminds you of Adam (Ex-Adam) because two of these three Adams are more or less spitting images - if not physically then character wise.
You never ever 'get over' anyone. They are a part of you - for life. Lovely cheering thought that, no? You will carry Adam (ex) inside of you for the rest of your life. Unless you are one of the very fortunately who get hit by a car or fall off a roof and get permanent amnesia - then you don't have that nagging memory.
The reality is that Adam (Ex) will be a part of your life forever, you will measure other men (hopefully they will have different names than Adam) against Adam (Ex). Everything they do, you will compare what they did to what Adam (Ex) did. Everyone does it - it is all part of being human. Well we all don't use Adam (Ex) but we all have an ex that we compare all others too.
Love: The love you had for Adam (Ex) is a special, unique love. Adam (New) should not be having the same form of love that Adam (Ex) provoked. If it is the same, then you are loving Adam (Ex) not Adam (new). Each person you meet will evoke different 'flavors' of love. Often most people confuse these different 'flavors' of love to mean they do not love a new person, expecting love to be exactly the same each time around. Different person, different love.
Both Adams will have an impact on how you view other potential mates (Sorry, I do not see you and Adam (New) going too far down the path of life together, again sorry). If you are smart and listen to an old gay guy, then you will understand that you are using Adam(ex) and Adam (new) to compare and measure those other men and you may actually be able to break a few of these 'requirements' that if left unbroken will, most likely, lead to your repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
So, before you pursue Adam (New) any further, you need to look long and hard at him and ask yourself if you are seeing him or if you are seeing a reflection of Adam (Ex). You need to weight whatever feelings you have for this New Adam, to make certain you are not attempting to recreate the old Adam.
Also while you are doing all this deep thinking stuff, write a list of ten things YOU did wrong in the relationship with Adam (Ex). I don't mean find ten meaningless things you did wrong, but find ten relatively big things you did to mess up that relationship.
If you can't think of one - Its way too early for you to be looking for another man - seriously.
If you can think of 3-6 - you most likely haven't learned much from that last relationship and will, most likely, be entering into a short term relationship.
If you can think of 7 or more things YOU did wrong... you learned enough and are most likely going to enter into a long term relationship.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
