10-24-2010, 03:33 AM
Mr. Hide, It is not unusual for someone to come out in their 40s or even older. However, you are in a committed relationship with your wife. As others have said, you will have some major adjustments and so will your wife if you decide to start dating men.
All that said, it has been done by many people before. I just believe that you owe it to whomever you have committed yourself with to be upfront and discuss your feeling before you explore other relationships. You don't want to be the type of person that sneaks around behind another's back. It will not look good to someone else.
Have you considered that you may be bi? Personally, I feel a large percentage of the population is actually bi. But for various reasons, most just simply never act on their feelings. It would still mean you need to be honest with your wife about your feelings. You must be prepared to accept the fact she may not like anything you are feeling.
It is quite a different matter to want a fling, or an experience just for thrills and wanting to find a same-sex person you would want to spend a good deal of time with. And for many, it's difficult to tell what your feelings are all about. But I believe it is important for everyone to be as true to their feelings as they possibly can.
I would recommend seeing a therapist/counselor. Try to find one that is either gay or at least affirming. Once you have gone to a couple of sessions and you like the counselor, you will be on your way to discovering more about who you really are. Don't let anyone tell you that you are sick or crazy. You just need time to sort things out.
Also, you might want to check out PFLAG. It is a national organization, with local chapters, that helps people deal with things like people coming out and issues and struggles of deciding if you are gay, bi, or questioning.
You have some work ahead of you. But believe me, it's all worth it. Nothing feels as good as being your true self.
All that said, it has been done by many people before. I just believe that you owe it to whomever you have committed yourself with to be upfront and discuss your feeling before you explore other relationships. You don't want to be the type of person that sneaks around behind another's back. It will not look good to someone else.
Have you considered that you may be bi? Personally, I feel a large percentage of the population is actually bi. But for various reasons, most just simply never act on their feelings. It would still mean you need to be honest with your wife about your feelings. You must be prepared to accept the fact she may not like anything you are feeling.
It is quite a different matter to want a fling, or an experience just for thrills and wanting to find a same-sex person you would want to spend a good deal of time with. And for many, it's difficult to tell what your feelings are all about. But I believe it is important for everyone to be as true to their feelings as they possibly can.
I would recommend seeing a therapist/counselor. Try to find one that is either gay or at least affirming. Once you have gone to a couple of sessions and you like the counselor, you will be on your way to discovering more about who you really are. Don't let anyone tell you that you are sick or crazy. You just need time to sort things out.
Also, you might want to check out PFLAG. It is a national organization, with local chapters, that helps people deal with things like people coming out and issues and struggles of deciding if you are gay, bi, or questioning.
You have some work ahead of you. But believe me, it's all worth it. Nothing feels as good as being your true self.
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