'I'm Fat' 'I'm Ugly' So on...

[eastofeden]

Self image is all down to opinion. You can spend all eternity complimenting someone who dislikes themselves but it is just like shining a light into a black hole. So effectively you just wasted your time and energy - even if you genuinely do believe they are beautiful, the fact is THEY DO NOT. If they do not like themselves it is because something on the INSIDE is missing - lack of self worth - so you cannot change their opinion. You have to target the CAUSE of the lack of self-appreciation first.

And someone spending hours in the bathroom tarting themselves up is also just like shining a light into a blackhole themselves. And naturally, if someone has little to no consideration for their self, they are not likely to be able to consider the people around them.

Black Hole is a good description for it. The only time I was ever in an abusive relationship the guy would spend 3-4 hours A DAY!!! taking a shower and retaking it because his hair wasn't perfect (and I swear it always looked EXACTLY the same)...he would actually cry....and I tried initially to make him feel better but the more I tried the worse it got and that is when I realized he was draining me and he became quite verbally and mentally abusive as well.

The other thing with the people who do this that I noticed from him and other people as well...they not only judge their own looks they constantly judge other people's looks too and externalize and project their own lack of self worth on others.

At one point when I met my current lover and he asked me what I wanted from a man and I told him I wanted a guy who didnt' see himself through someone else's eyes....he "got it":biggrin: He doesn't...he is a fierce individual...I am happy:biggrin: