I feel like a puppy looking through the bars on the window at the pound!

[LoneSomeDove2182]

mile: I sincerely thank all the comments yesterday and those who PM me! I hope you are all blessed today 0 ; ) XOXOXO

That being said, I don't want people to worry about me! I am severely unhappy, but I'll be fine! I have no choice. Life goes on one step at a time! My life just sucks and will always suck and that's something I'll have to just come to terms with. Not everyone can be happy, so maybe I am just meant to suffer forever. It is quite possible that when happiness was being given out, I just pulled the smallest straw! But, I am okay with it really! I know the usual response to me is: happiness comes from within, etc. That is my problem! I am dead inside and no longer have happiness inside and infact it has been so long since I have felt happy, I can't even remember what happiness feels like anymore! There are some people who are meant to live, some people who could care either way, and those that feel no matter how positive or negative their life is or will become- they just don't fit into life like everyone else! WARNING!!! I am not suicidal or going to end my life, so please no responses in that manner! In fact, I have kind of grown accepting of the heartache, pain and disappointment life has to offer me! I'm pretty much used to it by now and so it doesn't bother me! I have never had nor probably will I have a TRUE FRIEND! I have never been wanted (in any way)! I have never been kissed, held hands, had sex, or loved anyone in that way! I just look forward to a life of lonliness mainly because I'm not sure that even if given the chance to be happy, that i could be-- yes i understand that about myself, im screwed up! no one knows how separated from life i have become nor do they understand it and I can't blame them, hell, i don't understand it myself sometimes! I have given up on life only because it gave up on me first! For so long now almost 20 years!, that now I don't know how to live like a normal human being! I am functional, I go to work everyday and contribute to society, but ill never be "normal"! I have visions of what i think happiness would be in my life, but sadly everytime I try to better my situation my life becomes like quick sand and the harder I struggle to stay above the sand I keep sinking further down! I look at my life like a skiing accident! Imagine being trapped just underneath the water every second of your life, just under the water to where you can see the air above you, but youll never be able to take a breath! This is how my life is! I feel like everyday I see happiness, but much like the carrot dangled in front of the horse, i will never get it! But that doesn't keep me from trying! Everyday when I wake up my first thought is GD i made it another day! I just wish whatever is keeping me here on this earth would let me know what I am to do here, because i honestly don't know!