I’m Gay and Unnerved

[Fisk]

I've never had any intimate contact with a human being until a few days ago when I brought a guy home from the bar. The pretense was to share wine and play video games, but we made out. I've never been comfortable with myself because I feel like a loser for being attracted to guys, I sicken myself. Anyways he grabbed my crotch and I flipped out, probably because of a lot of inner turmoil, I grabbed him by the throat and slammed him against the wall, let him go and shouted him out of my house. I went into the bathroom and threw up.

I think it's just best if I stick to having friends and forget about sex, I think it's too late for me. I sound depressed, I'm not. I'm just very touchy and awkward about this - I sound like a freaking drama queen this was pointless

Hate to break it to you but... Yes you're depressed. That's also where your obvious anger comes from. You might not think people notice, but they do. And the fact that you typed it out somewhere? Either outreach or trolling. Not sure. But the latter points to anger.

You'll eventually get to a point where you don't give a shit about opinion anymore (it never mattered anyways). But chances are your behavior is going to get a whole lot worse before you get there or resolve any issues.

Want my opinion? Man the fuck up and drag your ass down to therapy like normal people (seems ironic right? not really). You might think "WTF I don't need therapy."
Or at least come to terms with who you are. If you want to fuck men, then fuck them. If you'd prefer to fuck women then go fuck women (Do it with consent & protection).

Signs of depression or anger (which I'm sure many fit you):

Constant need to be in control (basically obsessing over power or maybe even narcissism)
Constant need to be right/Obsessively needing to be right
Constant avoidance of people, groups, or interaction with casual friends or coworkers
Super responsibility or irresponsibility
You either abstain (IE what you did, refuse to have sex) or become hypersexual (I mean like masterbating 12 times in a day or having sex with 4-5 different people in a day or three).
Partake in an addiction. This could be: Too much time playing video games, too much time browsing the internet, porn, shoplifting, a sexual addiction, drugs, alcohol, eating, ect. you get the point. It's anything that disables you from participating in a balanced lifestyle. One where you are happy mentally, physically, and spiritually (everyone has some version of this stuf. I don't believe in god. What I mean by spirituality is being in tune with your true self and emotions, and not being afraid of showing either).

Anger most likely came from something in the past. Usually a trauma or just shitty childhood. Unless you're later in life. You know? One of those old people. Then it could be past relationships or regrets.

Having any regrets is a sign of unsound mental health. It means you're stuck on whatever that might be, and you're mad about it. Maybe even depressed. "If only X was different..."
"If only I'd have X'ed"

Just means you need to move on. Let stuff go. Why does it matter what the guy you shoved into a wall was thinking? (who could have charged you with assault, you're lucky there. I'd have you slammed into jail so fast you wouldn't have known what the fuck was happening) Why do you care what ANYONE thinks? Actually bringing yourself to answer that question, then finally realizing the answer, will make you feel pretty dumb. I know I did lol. Hint: Try "Why the fuck do I care they care?" Because they don't care that you care that they care that you care.