Crisis of Conscience

[marshlander]

I guess I just hoped that she would be ok with it, I mean I would be fine with her doing the same thing as long as i was involved, but i dont know if she could cope with it. That being said i dont know how she will react. So you wouldn't advise going behind her back? I've been told buy a few guys (trying to pick me up mind you) that having a discrete boyfriend or 'buddy' may actually save my relationship, therefore it would be the right thing to do buy her. I'm not sure i'm capable of it anyway, i've tried and just couldn't go through with it.

Thank You for the kind words and advice. Its good to know others have been through this before.

It's useful for you to know that you could not go through with being unfaithful and trusting a man on heat is probably not the most sensible move!! I found leading multiple lives very debilitating. I hated myself for what I was doing, put my health at risk (not really my wife's because our sex-life had come to a stop many years previously) and found maintaining all the lies increasingly confusing. During my cruising days I met many men who had been married before and some who were still married. Some of these seemed able to maintain a secret sex life. Those who were now separated or divorced still had problems, but they seemed nothing like the magnitude of those who were still in relationships. I just knew that I was a really crap liar and hated the deception. Had I continued trying to live these multiple lives I am pretty certain I would not be here to write about it.

What I can say is that the pain of breaking up my family still hurts, but I do have the compensation of knowing what being able to love and be loved by another man feels like. I am again on pretty good terms with all my family, even my ex (and even if that did amount to me offering to rod out her drains last week and her phoning me on Monday to see if I could help her escape from Manchester after her car died!) although that part has taken years of work. I don't think I could have managed any of this without the love, trust and support of my dear partner, princealbertofb.