10-23-2007, 11:39 PM
Hey Swim...
Welcome to the wonderfull world of confusion! So many possibilites here. At 19 you are just starting to learn about relationships and reading people and comming to grips with your own sexuality and where it all stands with another person......all while trying to stay in the closet and protect yourself.
I'm afraid this is heading for one of lifes big lessons, whether it turns out for the best or leaves you with heartache and a big outing is yet to be seen. So far everyone here has been spot on with their opinions. Because unfortunately at both your ages it could be any number of things going on here.
He could be straight but very sensitive and happy to have a friend who he can be open and close with, at least when drunk. He could be just a little bi-curious without even knowing it and you just manage to get under his defenses a little, (Believe me, this happens quite a bit and you'll probably have several straight friends over the years who fall into this catagory)but will never go as far as sex or even further to a relationship. Or he could be gay (whether he know's it yet or not) and is slowly starting to see you in a different light.
I'm guessing that because of being who he is, the whole rugby thing, and your friends all being a bit lad-ish, pressing him on this or making any big move is just going to scare him off, regardless of what he really feels, and leave you standing their holding the big homo bag. So prepare yourself for that if it happens. Because besides a lot of wishfull thinking and loneliness on your part, that is probably the most likely end to this.
That said, you might be right, he might be gay as well and using his girlfriend like you use those girls you hook up with. Fidning out if someone likes you means puting yourself out on the line and facing rejection if it comes. Gay or straight it's the same. The only difference is that we have to "come out" to do it and really lay things on the line.
It's up to you to decide if you are ready to do this. Or as Shadow mentioned, watch the alcohol because it just might take the decision away from you. In the end there are four ways this can go.
1. He can say "great I'm gay to". 2. He can say "Dude, I'm straight, but it's cool we can still be friends". 3. "Big Homo! Keep away from me!" 4. You can hook up but he'll pretend afterwards it never happend and den it to everyone...including you.
However it goes down, YOU will have outed yourself so you better decide if you are ready to do that and what (if anything) it will mean for you and your friends and family. At 19 it's about time but that's your decision to make. But until you do you will constantly be in this situation and, sorry, only around straight men you are hoping will be gay for you.
Good luck. I hope it works out how oyu want it to.
Welcome to the wonderfull world of confusion! So many possibilites here. At 19 you are just starting to learn about relationships and reading people and comming to grips with your own sexuality and where it all stands with another person......all while trying to stay in the closet and protect yourself.
I'm afraid this is heading for one of lifes big lessons, whether it turns out for the best or leaves you with heartache and a big outing is yet to be seen. So far everyone here has been spot on with their opinions. Because unfortunately at both your ages it could be any number of things going on here.
He could be straight but very sensitive and happy to have a friend who he can be open and close with, at least when drunk. He could be just a little bi-curious without even knowing it and you just manage to get under his defenses a little, (Believe me, this happens quite a bit and you'll probably have several straight friends over the years who fall into this catagory)but will never go as far as sex or even further to a relationship. Or he could be gay (whether he know's it yet or not) and is slowly starting to see you in a different light.
I'm guessing that because of being who he is, the whole rugby thing, and your friends all being a bit lad-ish, pressing him on this or making any big move is just going to scare him off, regardless of what he really feels, and leave you standing their holding the big homo bag. So prepare yourself for that if it happens. Because besides a lot of wishfull thinking and loneliness on your part, that is probably the most likely end to this.
That said, you might be right, he might be gay as well and using his girlfriend like you use those girls you hook up with. Fidning out if someone likes you means puting yourself out on the line and facing rejection if it comes. Gay or straight it's the same. The only difference is that we have to "come out" to do it and really lay things on the line.
It's up to you to decide if you are ready to do this. Or as Shadow mentioned, watch the alcohol because it just might take the decision away from you. In the end there are four ways this can go.
1. He can say "great I'm gay to". 2. He can say "Dude, I'm straight, but it's cool we can still be friends". 3. "Big Homo! Keep away from me!" 4. You can hook up but he'll pretend afterwards it never happend and den it to everyone...including you.
However it goes down, YOU will have outed yourself so you better decide if you are ready to do that and what (if anything) it will mean for you and your friends and family. At 19 it's about time but that's your decision to make. But until you do you will constantly be in this situation and, sorry, only around straight men you are hoping will be gay for you.
Good luck. I hope it works out how oyu want it to.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
