Balance of Probabilities

[portugal_the_man]

I only came out to my sister, and that was only because I took about 20 Kava Kava pills, and I was feeling 'woozy'. She accepted it and even wrote me a letter telling me that she loved me. It was a very good feeling, and I should've taken that momentum and come out completely. My family is 'very' Christian, so that type of thing is a no no. I already know how they would react because my sister-in-law's brother had a sex change operation, and my family did nothing but joke about it and make fun of him (these are Christians!).

I thought my sister would 'help' me in my journey, but she has mental problems of her own, so she's no use there. We used to talk about guys we thought were hot, etc; but she's a shut-in so I can hardly take her to a gay club so I don't have to go it alone. Oh well.

The only time I feel like I have enough courage to say something to something is when I'm drunk (not often) or when I'm taking percocet or vicodin (only when I've had them prescribed because of surgery or something).

It sucks to have to hide it. It sucks real bad. You feel alone almost all the time because you're never YOU, you're always playing the part. I don't want the role anymore though.