08-26-2011, 04:44 AM
I think it's important to respect an individual's sexuality. The emotional/physiological bonding-attraction instinct that you respond to as a woman to a man is natural and just there. Well, it's the same for a gay man. The attraction to another man is instinctive and natural. Trying to force one to change disrespects the person's sexuality, straight, gay or anywhere in between.
So, to answer your original question, no, I don't think there is an "ancestral need for a man to want a woman," if the man is gay. I think there is a need for sex and sometimes any available body will do. And, maybe that's all it was that night.
I think this is really about how you structure your values. You seem to be at a point in your life where romantic love is valued higher than friendship. I'm not judging but trying to say that as constructive criticism that it's just where you are right now.
But, to push a friendship for more than it can give or cutting off all contact with him kind of sounds like you are operating purely on emotions. It's playing games; it's emotional blackmail. To want to change someone so that YOU can have this idea in your head of what "could be" isn't going to be true happiness as a couple or a partnership.
Maybe step back and see what you truly value about this man? His "gayness" at his very essence may make him the man that he is and to take that away, he probably wouldn't be as special anymore.
Maybe think about what friendships mean to you? What boundaries do you give them? How would you feel if a woman friend tried to push you for a lesbian relationship? Could you turn off your need for men so easily?
Honestly, I think it comes down to self-discipline and trust. A friendship is based on trust. You both broke trust and used each other. You both need to work on repairing that. He needs to explain why he slept with you. I think he was wrong because clearly you had a different understanding of what that night meant. I think that's only fair to you to help you move on to more appropriate men, ie. straight. And, I think he needs to know he hurt and confused you by HIS actions.
Best wishes!
So, to answer your original question, no, I don't think there is an "ancestral need for a man to want a woman," if the man is gay. I think there is a need for sex and sometimes any available body will do. And, maybe that's all it was that night.
I think this is really about how you structure your values. You seem to be at a point in your life where romantic love is valued higher than friendship. I'm not judging but trying to say that as constructive criticism that it's just where you are right now.
But, to push a friendship for more than it can give or cutting off all contact with him kind of sounds like you are operating purely on emotions. It's playing games; it's emotional blackmail. To want to change someone so that YOU can have this idea in your head of what "could be" isn't going to be true happiness as a couple or a partnership.
Maybe step back and see what you truly value about this man? His "gayness" at his very essence may make him the man that he is and to take that away, he probably wouldn't be as special anymore.
Maybe think about what friendships mean to you? What boundaries do you give them? How would you feel if a woman friend tried to push you for a lesbian relationship? Could you turn off your need for men so easily?
Honestly, I think it comes down to self-discipline and trust. A friendship is based on trust. You both broke trust and used each other. You both need to work on repairing that. He needs to explain why he slept with you. I think he was wrong because clearly you had a different understanding of what that night meant. I think that's only fair to you to help you move on to more appropriate men, ie. straight. And, I think he needs to know he hurt and confused you by HIS actions.
Best wishes!
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