I just don't get it

[princealbertofb]

Hello Leslie, I think you are angry because you are proud. You have given yourself to that man, making the mistake of thinking that because you've had sex together, it would change what he is fundamentally. Maybe he gave himself to you too, out of friendship, because he and you were in a time and place where you needed that intimacy.

Maybe you should redirect that pride, and be proud to have been in touch enough with your emotions and libido to let it happen. Don't be too hard on yourself, and don't be too hard on him either.

You've both proved that, at a pinch, you two could be intimate with each other, but your friend doesn't normally tick that way, and he probably won't do it lastingly anyway. Sooner or later, he'd be craving what his gay life offers him and you'd probably be more than disappointed, sore even, that he can't commit to you.

I think you should try to salvage what is left of your previously good relationship. Swallow that pride, and admit to him and yourself that it was just an act of circumstances, not something that was destined to be fixed in stone forever. I'm sure he appreciates that you can love him so thoroughly, but maybe at the same time, it's making him uncomfortable, because (as you say) he knows you so well; he is aware that he's disappointing you, and that's not a nice feeling to have. I'm sure he doesn't want to disappoint you, but because your expectations are that you could possibly change his leopard's spots, the relationship is on rocky ground for the moment. It would be best to forgive yourself for this lapse of judgement (if that's what you'd like to consider it) or to admit that it was only done out of curiosity, or out of necessity at a given time.

Consider this as well: some people commit gay sexual acts when in prison. Why? Not necessarily because they are gay at heart, but because the institution forces men together and women together. The same sometimes applies to the army and in war situations. The need to get physically intimate with someone will sometimes be so strong that we will go beyond usual personal boundaries.

I believe that, although you were not in a carceral situation, your libidoes and emotions were both in synch that day. It might just be a result of very special circumstances, aided by the fact that you were already emotionally very attached.

There is also an old adage that says that "familiarity breeds contempt"; so think about it... Did you not both ruin it for the other by becoming just too intimate sexually? You seem to have ruined the mood for yourself (hence the anger) and maybe for him too (hence he's not responding).

Good luck in reconstructing an ideal partnership... There is such a thing as platonic love, and it can work quite well.