Sincerely need advice on where I stand sexually (very long)

[jbrowder24]

It is indeed possible you are gay, or bisexual leaning towards men, but have supressed the feelings due to culture. Though more and more youth realize at a young age, there are those who realized later in life. I realized around age 21, but there are others on this board who realized later, even after having been married to a woman and having kids. So why does it take so long to realize? Why did you feel ashamed? Because it's what some of us unfortunately are taught, and what we are taught comes into conflict with who we are. We're told it's not natural by those who don't understand, and yet it is natural. I myself struggled for a couple years before accepting myself for many of the same reasons you seem to be struggling.

You seem to have gay friends, which is a good start and something I didn't have. For me, I found myself turning to magazines and movies (not porn, but comedies and dramas) that featured gay characters. I found that once I realized there were all sorts of gay guys leaving happy lives, including men that were not at all like the stereotype I had been taught, that I was able to accept that I could be gay.

I also think it's normal to not think about the romantic aspect of being with a man until we can accept that it is normal, and that we are normal for being gay (or bi). I think we sometimes do have to rely on that sexual attraction, which many of us are taught is wrong (don't lust, etc), but it's what helps determine where our true nature lies. And once we figure out our true sexual nature and accept ourselves, for those of us into things like marriage, romance, and monogamy, I think it becomes then easier to start imagine ourselves kissing and dating guys, having a same-sex wedding, etc.

It's so great that you are focusing on making yourself happy and figuring all that out, and I wish you luck on accepting who you are, as ultimately you will be the one to decide if you've been in denial as a gay, are bi, or whatever