09-03-2011, 08:27 PM
It sounds like you know each other well and in my opinion, I think you handled things well. You were upfront, honest and well, right.
For me, and maybe for you (?), I'm kind of making a leap here, it might be the tone in which you "corrected" or tried to drive your point home. I really have that problem. I know you said you were tactful but maybe it didn't sound that way to his ears?
A friend on here teased me one night about how long it takes me to make a post because we were chatting, and I was like, wait, I'm trying to think! lol. But, tone is one of my many faults and I have to read and read again and edit to make sure I keep it in check. It's worse when I'm tired, frustrated or feel very passionate about a subject.
I also have to watch this in real life discussions. I like honest and open discussions but sometimes we lose people by the force of our words. Sometimes the forcefulness is necessary, but often not. The importance of an issue to you, in this case, racism, may have made you more forceful than in the past. ???
So, maybe it's more the case of hurt pride on his part and while your point was spot on, he may need for you to meet him half way and say, I wish I could have expressed myself better. IDK.
As far as his racism, how does he talk about people in general when there is no annoyance? Maybe you need to have a conversation about race, and generalizing about people when this isn't a hot issue? Or even explain how it upsets you and effects you when he insults people based on race?
Sorry, I'm not much help. Like I said, I'm just guessing and could be off base, so forgive the rambling if it does not apply.
eta: I was just addressing the fact that this has had a 24 hr impact on your relationship rather than argue, makeup and it's over kind of thing.
For me, and maybe for you (?), I'm kind of making a leap here, it might be the tone in which you "corrected" or tried to drive your point home. I really have that problem. I know you said you were tactful but maybe it didn't sound that way to his ears?
A friend on here teased me one night about how long it takes me to make a post because we were chatting, and I was like, wait, I'm trying to think! lol. But, tone is one of my many faults and I have to read and read again and edit to make sure I keep it in check. It's worse when I'm tired, frustrated or feel very passionate about a subject.
I also have to watch this in real life discussions. I like honest and open discussions but sometimes we lose people by the force of our words. Sometimes the forcefulness is necessary, but often not. The importance of an issue to you, in this case, racism, may have made you more forceful than in the past. ???
So, maybe it's more the case of hurt pride on his part and while your point was spot on, he may need for you to meet him half way and say, I wish I could have expressed myself better. IDK.
As far as his racism, how does he talk about people in general when there is no annoyance? Maybe you need to have a conversation about race, and generalizing about people when this isn't a hot issue? Or even explain how it upsets you and effects you when he insults people based on race?
Sorry, I'm not much help. Like I said, I'm just guessing and could be off base, so forgive the rambling if it does not apply.
eta: I was just addressing the fact that this has had a 24 hr impact on your relationship rather than argue, makeup and it's over kind of thing.
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