09-16-2011, 08:57 PM
yeah i have considered that perhaps it just needs to be the right person. however i am not sure what that means exactly to me. i can get a long with just about everyone i am very gregarious and open, even though i can also be very distant. if i am able to distract myself long enough i am sure i could have a very good time lol, i just think too much.
see the thing is i have actually been very successful at rationalize and intellectualizing sex into a scientific study. i am pretty sure i am close to understanding the in and the outs of the entire process, and i find the theory behind it all fascinating. i just feel like i have to keep moving forward constantly. i have trouble getting myself to stop working, i feel like i am on the verge of a something very important, i am grasping at a subtle and ambiguous idea that puts everything into perspective. only once i exhaust myself can i surrender.
i too have an obsessive mind, and i will explore a concept until there is nothing left. i always want to know whats on the next horizon, and i wont stop until i get there. this is something i am facing, and when i overcome it i will be even stronger and better than i was before. yet i'll still be wondering what it is i am doing it for, to what ends do i strive for? i cant turn off the analytical side of my mind.
i rationalize sexuality as a tool for communication and information gathering. i see it as a method of infiltration, when viewing it as a chore. i will do just about anything if the ends justify the means. i also look at the evolutionary function of sexuality, and it serves a purpose there as well, in that it allows the mind to relax, similar to sleep. the idea of the restorative aspects of sexuality are what i find most compelling.
it bothers me that i have become so cynical. i try to be virtuous, yet i find myself manipulative and mercurial. I am an artist and a musician, i have no need to be concerned with subterfuge, or making an academic break through. however i am fascinated by the world around me, and i am interested in how i can use it to my advantage, and i am interested in making the world a better place. so i am left wondering, just what i am using this information for? why do i know so much about subjects that have no bearing on my reality?
see the thing is i have actually been very successful at rationalize and intellectualizing sex into a scientific study. i am pretty sure i am close to understanding the in and the outs of the entire process, and i find the theory behind it all fascinating. i just feel like i have to keep moving forward constantly. i have trouble getting myself to stop working, i feel like i am on the verge of a something very important, i am grasping at a subtle and ambiguous idea that puts everything into perspective. only once i exhaust myself can i surrender.
i too have an obsessive mind, and i will explore a concept until there is nothing left. i always want to know whats on the next horizon, and i wont stop until i get there. this is something i am facing, and when i overcome it i will be even stronger and better than i was before. yet i'll still be wondering what it is i am doing it for, to what ends do i strive for? i cant turn off the analytical side of my mind.
i rationalize sexuality as a tool for communication and information gathering. i see it as a method of infiltration, when viewing it as a chore. i will do just about anything if the ends justify the means. i also look at the evolutionary function of sexuality, and it serves a purpose there as well, in that it allows the mind to relax, similar to sleep. the idea of the restorative aspects of sexuality are what i find most compelling.
it bothers me that i have become so cynical. i try to be virtuous, yet i find myself manipulative and mercurial. I am an artist and a musician, i have no need to be concerned with subterfuge, or making an academic break through. however i am fascinated by the world around me, and i am interested in how i can use it to my advantage, and i am interested in making the world a better place. so i am left wondering, just what i am using this information for? why do i know so much about subjects that have no bearing on my reality?
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