09-18-2011, 09:39 PM
Hi, Wolf. 
Are you in college? I can't remember. But, whether you are or not you need to start working on your plan for independence and living your life as you want to.
What you are describing as your father's reaction is nothing more than a temper tantrum. When we think of a tantrum, most will think of children, but no, it's also a way for parents to manipulate and control their children. Your father continued his outburst until he achieved his goal, right? He got his way.
When you said your mom has indicated in the past that she would be ok with you being gay, etc. It seems to me, they both suspect. I think your father saw your earrings as another indicator and he manipulated you into removing "the gay."
It's understandable that you are pissed. But, channel your anger into "training" your parents. :tongue: You need to realize that the small steps you take will add up. You seem like a really sweet person, and I bet, confrontation makes you uncomfortable. I think this was a good thing, and like you said, it gives you a window to your father's reaction if you were to come out.
But, I hope you don't choose to let him win the big fight. The one that really matters. I hope you don't deny a part of you that over time will need to be expressed. You are going to want to be loved for who you are, and you deserve to be. We all tend to seek our parents' approval but part of becoming independent is letting that go. It's hard but it's important.
But, we all live within our families and we know the unique dynamics. We know where we stand in our dependence on them and our own comfort levels. We know our emotional strength and what we can handle. So, you have take your time and build your framework. In the art of war, sometimes it's wise to retreat, rebuild your defenses, study your enemy and plan for the next battle.
I don't think you should rush out and get your ears pierced again. I think you need to work on your internal self and build up self-confidence, love of self, and identity. Then, when you are ready to face their reaction and stand firm, yeah, get them pierced again. And, don't back down.
This is also going to be important for you in future relationships. Take care.
Are you in college? I can't remember. But, whether you are or not you need to start working on your plan for independence and living your life as you want to.
What you are describing as your father's reaction is nothing more than a temper tantrum. When we think of a tantrum, most will think of children, but no, it's also a way for parents to manipulate and control their children. Your father continued his outburst until he achieved his goal, right? He got his way.
When you said your mom has indicated in the past that she would be ok with you being gay, etc. It seems to me, they both suspect. I think your father saw your earrings as another indicator and he manipulated you into removing "the gay."
It's understandable that you are pissed. But, channel your anger into "training" your parents. :tongue: You need to realize that the small steps you take will add up. You seem like a really sweet person, and I bet, confrontation makes you uncomfortable. I think this was a good thing, and like you said, it gives you a window to your father's reaction if you were to come out.
But, I hope you don't choose to let him win the big fight. The one that really matters. I hope you don't deny a part of you that over time will need to be expressed. You are going to want to be loved for who you are, and you deserve to be. We all tend to seek our parents' approval but part of becoming independent is letting that go. It's hard but it's important.
But, we all live within our families and we know the unique dynamics. We know where we stand in our dependence on them and our own comfort levels. We know our emotional strength and what we can handle. So, you have take your time and build your framework. In the art of war, sometimes it's wise to retreat, rebuild your defenses, study your enemy and plan for the next battle.
I don't think you should rush out and get your ears pierced again. I think you need to work on your internal self and build up self-confidence, love of self, and identity. Then, when you are ready to face their reaction and stand firm, yeah, get them pierced again. And, don't back down.
This is also going to be important for you in future relationships. Take care.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
