Why be unkind?

[nullnaught]

Actually, I don't like the n word even when used by blacks. I have a thick skin, however, and shrug it off when it's so used.

Speaking of which, my thick skin makes me far more endurable when it comes to people bashing me verbally. I've grown up having to endure slut rumors and satanist rumors and while annoying I found the funny side to it, too. Trolls on the net almost never get under my skin, though I usually hold them in contempt (exceptions for the ones who are actually funny). I personally hate the "that's so gay" description but can overlook it when it's used on South Park, and I don't avoid it for the sake of my health & safety. I've laughed and shrugged off death threats over the net when I knew there was no chance of violence. So given this it's impossible for me to understand how shows like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy threatens your health & safety. And I just can't help but think that surely you've survived far worse things in your life than this and so wonder why this even signifies.

That said, "queer" is like twink, dyke, and other words that I'm never sure is acceptable to use or not. (I never use "fag" but I realize some gays in other countries do and just shrug it off when they use it because they don't mean it in a bad way.) When I know it's ok to use it I will, otherwise I avoid it. However, I'm not offended by being called a queer or a dyke (if I am then it's the context and/or tone of voice, not the word itself)...and back when I was a teenage boi I think I'd have laughed if someone mistakenly called me a twink.

But you want to talk about unfair and unkind? Then let's talk about trying to control people's behavior with guilt tripping and telling others they are terrible people who are no good if they don't do what you say. That's not only unkind but it also implies that you think you're better than the rest of us.

Want to talk about ageist? Then how about telling the younger gays and genderqueers (a liberating word for them as they don't want to be trapped in a "male/female" dichotomy) that they can't use it because it offends SOME in your generation? Expecting younger people to kowtow to you and that there's something wrong with them because they use words differently than you do sounds far more ageist to me because it paints them in a negative light (whereas their intent and meaning does not, no matter how offensive you personally find it) and paints them as self-destructive hooligans for having the temerity to do things differently from your generation.

And for that matter if it's ageist to offend your generation then I suppose I was ageist when I told my Granny that I was a lesbian because she was NOT happy (though she adjusted). Maybe she just wasn't beautiful enough for me to have upset her like that?

Thankfully, change in attitudes and how words are used isn't ageist, it's simply change. Because if we were bound to what our elders think then our community wouldn't even exist at all in the first place (at least not openly) because it would've been "ageist" for your generation to have offended your elders that way back then.

It's ok for you to not appreciate these words, and to ask that others try to refrain from using them around you, but quite another to try to guilt others into believing your way of interpreting the words are the only allowable interpretations and everyone else is wrong, cruel, ageist, harmful, and even imply they're traitors to the gay community. But tolerance isn't just something others owe to you, but is something you owe to others as well.

This is not a matter of not having a thick skin. I can't just "buck up," or something I have to prepare myself for this experience here, and it still leaves me sick and shakeing. I have been in ongoing psycho therapy for more than 15 years. I am on four kinds of Brain Pills. I am not the only person with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder involving homophobia. The specific refrence to physical safety and mental health are because if I go to my any LGBT type community center or bar, my passions are such that I'm likely to either be traumatized mentally by refraining to speak and all the self-esteem loss that involves or risk getting in a fist fight. From the looks of him, I couldn't protect myself from the likes of ZackT, but I would likely get in a fight with him.

I don't see how pointing out my exclusion is unfair or unkind. What do you mean? If you feel guilty because I am pointing out your insensitivity, then perhaps you have a conscience?

I never said anybody can't use the word. I said it should be censored by the media and should not be used publicly in a facility that renders services to the entire community because many of us are traumatized in just this way. Others are sympathetic to our plight and it offends them for that reason. So a little accomodation in public places is all we want. Go ahead and slur yourself in private dear.

I would respond to the bit about your granny, but I don't know what you mean. Did you do it to her in a public place maybe? I don't know.

I said quite clearly that I agree there are other definitions of the words. I never ever said they were wrong in the definition. I just question the necessity of using an ugly slur in place of an all-inclusive word that doesn't exclude those already traumatized once.