Up and Down

[LateBloomer]

You just reminded me of something you wrote in your first post that I wanted to respond to but I forgot...

Yet once in awhile the desire to be with another guy will come along and I want so badly to just hook up with someone and have sex. Then part of me whimps out and doesn't do it and I end up just going to x tube or somewhere like that and jerking off to gay porn and then I am good for another brief time until the next time I feel like that again.

This really struck a chord with me.

For YEARS, I used porn and masturbation as a surrogate for normal healthy intimate/sexual relations.

I had a flat out FEAR of intimacy from adolescence through my mid-30s.

I remember one of my sociology teachers talking about how masturbation is no longer considered "dysfunctional"...BUT (there's always a "but") only if we preferred sex over masturbation.

For most of my life I preferred masturbation over sex, but not any longer.

My craving for intimacy (I guess after so many years without it) is fucking RAVENOUS. Now when I'm struck with the "urge" I think if I'm gonna bother to go through the motions of jerking off, I should find a partner for AT LEAST mutual hand jobs.

Yes, stranger sex is risky and everything, we already know that, we're adults, but God gave us a brain and judgment, etc, we should use it.

So I actually have a point to all this, and here it is:
Don't be selfish with your sexuality.

It was meant to be SHARED. And it's so much better when you GIVE of yourself and let someone else GIVE to you.

Find a partner.

Don't live like I did for years and years.

Best.