Catch 22?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Alcohol, weed, drugs et al are a problem when life begins to be come unmanageable.

Seems to me he has a little problem since he smokes and becomes neglectful, how manageable is his drug use? How unmanageable is his life? These are questions he is going to have to ask and answer for himself.

The answers should decide if he seeks to totally stop or not.

You can not and should not even try to make that decision for him. If he is addicted and you deny him his addiction, his addiction will find ways to lie, steal, corrupt, bend the rules, sneak, hide, etc. It often leads to a worsening of the addiction when we force an addict 'underground'.

"installed spyware on his smartphone without him knowing to find out whether he's smoking or not whenever we're apart."

This is a control issue of yours, you really need to work on yourself on this. This is beyond the rights and duty of a spouse.

He broke your trust (agreement) and you broke his trust (spying on him). Two wrongs do not make a right.

Back up, come to a complete stop and reexamine the situation. Let him be a weekend warrior - meaning he gets to smoke dope when he does not have other business to attend to. If he can smoke sociably I tip my hat to him. If he finds that he needs that next toke, then suggest a program of recovery for him.

If he can be satisfied with week-end joints, or joints during a time where he isn't tasked to other responsibility let him have his fun.

Prohibition doesn't work. Period.

Find a compromise.