How out is "out" in your book?

[Pix]

Generally speaking I'm out to close friends. With the exception of my Granny, no one in my family knows (though I think some suspect) that I'm a lesbian. They live in the East Texas Bible Belt (aka "behind the pine curtain") so I think it would be a very bad idea to let people there know, especially as I like to keep moving into Granny's place a viable option. Being that I live in California (and may never return to Texas) it's not much of an issue, however.

I never saw a big deal about it even as a kid when others freaked over it (and before I identified as gay myself) so I was pretty open at first. But it really caused problems, even got me and my girlfriend under a death threat the the local deputies told me to take seriously, so I learned not to volunteer it.

I have wondered if I should announce my orientation at times, especially when someone tells me how evil the gays are. If I thought they'd react by going, "Whoa, maybe I should reconsider what I believe about gays" I would, but I don't think that's what would happen--and it would spread to other homophobes before they got to know me, too. (And a couple of FORMER friends told me that they thought I was ok, but that "most gays" were child molesting perverts who shouldn't marry or otherwise have access to kids, so even though they could see the stereotype didn't apply to me, they were still convinced it did to other gay people.)

It would also hurt my property (as I'd likely face vandalism, at least where I used to live), hurt my livelihood (especially as many "don't want their children around that" and part of my livelihood is working with children), and caused me other problems (for example, I found the reason I was one of the rare few to use the sauna at a fitness center I used to go to--one that blared FOX at us until I got fed up and quit--was because women were scared of lesbians jumping their tender hetero bones, and I'm sure if they knew I WAS a lesbian who used the sauna then I'd have lost my membership over a false accusation of sexual harassment by a member who didn't want to share the showers and locker room with me or just a need for drama). I've met some Christian gun nuts at a shooting range I used to go to who not only thought gays should be killed, but one (thanks to ) was especially worried about armed lesbians...armed lesbians like me...and he encouraged me (whom he presumed to be a heterosexual Christian rather than godless lesbian) to be ready to shoot to kill against lesbians that tried raping me, which would probably save young girls from being raped & indoctrinated anyway. One death threat was more than enough, thank you. I see no reason to be a martyr for little to no gain.