Some help?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Everyday I struggle with who I am as a person. I feel anxious and down most of the time.
Being gay makes me feel like less of a person, and I don't know how to be myself around people. I'm not feminine at all, in fact everyone I meet says they never suspect me gay. This makes it difficult to let people know who I am. It feels like everyone expects me to be something, and when I'm not I feel like I let them down. Sometimes I try really hard to act all tough and be someone who I am not. I hate it! I just want to be myself. A lot of the time, when I'm in public, I'm always watching myself, being careful not to do anything "gay" and I over think every movement I make.
I just worry too much about what others think of me.
Being like this is tiring, and the only time I can relax is when I'm alone or with my closest friend.
I'm not as friendly towards people as I used to be, and I think its because I don't love myself the way I used to.

Oh and I'm a slut. Every guy that throws himself at me I get excited and think its love. I give that guy everything..my heart, my body...

I want to love myself more and have better confidence. I know I'm effin cute and smart and funny. I know I'm a good person. I just don't know who I am right now and I'm scurred.

Nobody knows who they really are. No matter how old you get there is always some question there as to 'who am I?'.... We try to label ourselves due to things we do. I am a carpenter, I am a doctor, I am a receptionist - these are things you do - they are not things you are.

Being gay, bi, straight, whatever is not 'who' you are - its a what you are.

Who am I? Its a tough question to answer and it is one that tends to get people down when they focus on it. Best advice to give you on this? Stop asking 'Who am I?' and just 'be'.

They do not suspect you of being gay because THEY have stereotypes in mind when they hear or think the word gay.

They think that this is what gay looks like:

What they do not not understand is gay looks like this:

and this:



In fact gay comes in so many packages, its old its young, its black, white, red, yellow, brown, long haired, short haired - fat, skinny, tall, short, muscular, on and on the list goes.

THEY do not know gay when they see it - that is THEIR problem. Not yours.

Unless you live in the part of the world where they still physically bash gays, don't watch yourself to carefully.

Trust me, I do not look gay, don't act gay (and no I don't really have pointed ears - I do have elfin features though :tongue: ) I wear plaid flannel shirts in the winter, usually just jeans and a t-shirt in the summer - often wearing work boots. I look straight, I have a deep voice that would sound silly lisping.

I am not very careful with what I say. I talk about my partner all the time. Granted most people thing I am talking about by business partner - that is on them, they want to be an idiot and assume I'm straight that is on THEM.

Seriously, you do not need to be around THOSE people - THEY are bad for you.

They don't know Jack....

They are the idiots... not you.