01-03-2012, 10:26 AM
It is hard to stop lying and start living honestly.
You have a girl-friend of 6 years - yet your gay, seems to me you have been working real hard at living a lie. That web of deception is really tangled and there is no easy way to undo 6 years of web tangling.
And its not just that you lied about your sexual preference - what about all of the attending little lies to keep the main lie above water? Where to start fixing all of that?
I think the problem here is you understand that there is a whole heap of lies that have to be dealt with and you are overwhelmed by the multitude. you also understand the enormity of breaking down all of those barriers you have worked for years to build, the secrets upon secrets you put in place to 'hide' yourself.
On top of this, telling your GF will devastate her. You know that. Unless you were born completely without empathy (doubtful).
The first person you need to come out to - openly - and verbally - is yourself.
Go find a mirror, look the man in the mirror in the eye and tell him - verbally 'I'm gay.'
Measure his response - he may not say anything, but the look in his eye will tell you a lot.
Next person on this list is the GF.
I would strongly advise you to write a letter (Pen and paper not a text message) addressed to her. 1-2 pages only detailing the reasons why you know you are gay, coupled with 'It really is me, not you.' ending with 'I am gay'.
Let her read that while you are out of the room - then sit down and discuss. This allows her some time to process the whole thing.
Easy - no, hardly ever is, however you cannot continue leading this woman down a rosy path of false hopes and lies. It is cruel, it is unloving to lead her to believe that she has something that really isn't there. She deserves the chance to find a man who loves her 100% as a straight man, one that will marry her, have kids and do all of the things that straight people do.
In the same line, you deserve the right to find yourself a gay man to love, maybe marry, and do what gay men do.
You have a girl-friend of 6 years - yet your gay, seems to me you have been working real hard at living a lie. That web of deception is really tangled and there is no easy way to undo 6 years of web tangling.
And its not just that you lied about your sexual preference - what about all of the attending little lies to keep the main lie above water? Where to start fixing all of that?
I think the problem here is you understand that there is a whole heap of lies that have to be dealt with and you are overwhelmed by the multitude. you also understand the enormity of breaking down all of those barriers you have worked for years to build, the secrets upon secrets you put in place to 'hide' yourself.
On top of this, telling your GF will devastate her. You know that. Unless you were born completely without empathy (doubtful).
The first person you need to come out to - openly - and verbally - is yourself.
Go find a mirror, look the man in the mirror in the eye and tell him - verbally 'I'm gay.'
Measure his response - he may not say anything, but the look in his eye will tell you a lot.
Next person on this list is the GF.
I would strongly advise you to write a letter (Pen and paper not a text message) addressed to her. 1-2 pages only detailing the reasons why you know you are gay, coupled with 'It really is me, not you.' ending with 'I am gay'.
Let her read that while you are out of the room - then sit down and discuss. This allows her some time to process the whole thing.
Easy - no, hardly ever is, however you cannot continue leading this woman down a rosy path of false hopes and lies. It is cruel, it is unloving to lead her to believe that she has something that really isn't there. She deserves the chance to find a man who loves her 100% as a straight man, one that will marry her, have kids and do all of the things that straight people do.
In the same line, you deserve the right to find yourself a gay man to love, maybe marry, and do what gay men do.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
