01-04-2012, 04:18 AM
Hi and welcome to GS. I agree with fenris and jay, please take your time and only do what is comfortable for YOU. Only you know where you are emotionally and what you can handle.
One thing that always upsets me is gay people telling other gay people to "come out and be an honest man!" I read something like that early on in my journey on this site and I wanted to reach across the internet and grab the person by the throat and say "no, I'm trying to survive my fucking life." No one knows the unique circumstances in which you are living. YOU have to assess that. To pile on the freaking GUILT on someone is uncalled for. I don't know what your unique circumstances are, but I am sure you have your reasons for waiting until now and I respect that.
I have been there in not being able to verbalize the word gay, but what helped me was spending time here and talking with some older, proud gay men who are always respectful of my age. The thing that they made me most aware of was that no matter what I was ME and I had value. I saw men living REAL, normal lives. And, they are happy and confident. It was only then that I understood what being proud meant, and felt comfortable applying the term gay to myself with pride. It helped so much that I fit somewhere.
The only thing I will tear into you for is if you are have been randomly hooking up with men and jeopardizing your girlfriend's LIFE. Just break it off with her before you meet up with anyone. It's more than just AIDS, there's hep and herpes that are lifetime gifts and certain strains of genital warts will increase her chances of cervical cancer. Please don't treat her life carelessly.
I had a difficult time weighing whose business my orientation was. For me, it was only my immediate family. Hints as far as my position on social issues helped. I bumped up my plans for coming out because certain things in my life changed and I knew it was time. But, it was an emotional rollercoaster after.
I did not date girls so I cannot help you with that issue but is it necessary for her to know you are gay? Or has the relationship come to just a natural end? Is she your best friend/confidant who you need to discuss this with? Whatever you do, just do it with kindness and respect.
You say your mother knows, but you don't say how she handled it. As someone told me and I found to be true, you do have to give them time. Even if they always suspected, that verbalizing still takes its toll on dreams and hopes.
Good luck.
eta: I just read your post in another thread about telling your mom. I'm glad it went well. I'm also sorry for the loss of your father. Having read that, you have been hit with a lot on an emotional level so I hope you give yourself some time.
One thing that always upsets me is gay people telling other gay people to "come out and be an honest man!" I read something like that early on in my journey on this site and I wanted to reach across the internet and grab the person by the throat and say "no, I'm trying to survive my fucking life." No one knows the unique circumstances in which you are living. YOU have to assess that. To pile on the freaking GUILT on someone is uncalled for. I don't know what your unique circumstances are, but I am sure you have your reasons for waiting until now and I respect that.
I have been there in not being able to verbalize the word gay, but what helped me was spending time here and talking with some older, proud gay men who are always respectful of my age. The thing that they made me most aware of was that no matter what I was ME and I had value. I saw men living REAL, normal lives. And, they are happy and confident. It was only then that I understood what being proud meant, and felt comfortable applying the term gay to myself with pride. It helped so much that I fit somewhere.
The only thing I will tear into you for is if you are have been randomly hooking up with men and jeopardizing your girlfriend's LIFE. Just break it off with her before you meet up with anyone. It's more than just AIDS, there's hep and herpes that are lifetime gifts and certain strains of genital warts will increase her chances of cervical cancer. Please don't treat her life carelessly.
I had a difficult time weighing whose business my orientation was. For me, it was only my immediate family. Hints as far as my position on social issues helped. I bumped up my plans for coming out because certain things in my life changed and I knew it was time. But, it was an emotional rollercoaster after.
I did not date girls so I cannot help you with that issue but is it necessary for her to know you are gay? Or has the relationship come to just a natural end? Is she your best friend/confidant who you need to discuss this with? Whatever you do, just do it with kindness and respect.
You say your mother knows, but you don't say how she handled it. As someone told me and I found to be true, you do have to give them time. Even if they always suspected, that verbalizing still takes its toll on dreams and hopes.
Good luck.
eta: I just read your post in another thread about telling your mom. I'm glad it went well. I'm also sorry for the loss of your father. Having read that, you have been hit with a lot on an emotional level so I hope you give yourself some time.
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