Just Looking For Someone to Talk

[pellaz]

I have been in this relationship for 10 years. My partner is significantly younger than I am.

How much younger is he??????

I am a very private, don't have to answer to anyone type person. I understand that in a relationship you are supposed to share with your partner

So you know your issue, fix it or figure why you dont want to fix it and fix that. Are you lazy

supposed to share with your partner, but not to the point I need to say who I am talking to every time I pick up the phone, having someone staring over my shoulder every time I am texting someone or writing an email or messaging on Facebook. When I get out of bed, I shouldn't have to say I am going to the bathroom.

Just tell him who is calling, who you are text and announce that bathroom time. Your not doing anything wrong. Why the need for privacy if you are doing the same thing as we all do. Its not big, give that to your boyfriend, sounds like he needs it.

That when we are out somewhere and a hot guy walks by we immediately get into a fight because I checked him out. And I note that he checks guys out all of the time, to the point that several times he has almost gotten into car accidents staring at guys.

Sounds like both of you are cheating. Accept it. I bet if things just get better both of you would take an interest in each other again.

He has no concept of money. Fun comes before bills. I admit that sometimes I am that way, but I make sure the mortgage is caught up and the car is paid and the electric stays on. He will blow every dime we have on junk and then have our house foreclosed on. It has happened twice now.

-does he have a source of income. Let him spend his and you spend yours?
and or...
-your the smart one, proclaim your handling the financials. It is a lot of work but just step up to the plate for it.

It has gotten to the point that I would rather lock myself up in another room watching tv or whatever than sit with him. Sex is not even there. And that is huge being that I am ready for sex 24/7/365.

Quit this behavior. If you go into your room leave the door open. If you love him still, send him at least ten text on his phone just say "i love you". You can start any time you want, its your issue if you dont.

I didn't come out of the closet until a year before we got together. I dated a few guys, all of which turned out to be complete jerks. We got together a year later and have been together since. Prior to coming out I never did anything with men so I never really got to sow my wild oats.

Lots of men are jerks, you found a bf that works somewhat. You could join them being a single 40year old man sowing his wild oats. Your not the same person you were back then and no need to re cap old desires.

So now the million dollar question? Why don't I leave him? Because its not as simple as get up and walk away. We own property together, we have a ton of debt together, I am a part of his family (that his family sometimes seem to love me more than him). Almost all of my friends are his friends. And on the legal end of it, he has a lawyer in his family that should I walk away would destroy me financially.

Your a smart man for not wanting to leave in a huff. Get a professional couples counselor(s). Start small and go to some group sessions, i think there are some in San Francisco. Try to avoid the thought "if this dosnt work we break up" but in turn try a few situations and be thankful to extract the good out of each. No one person (other than your self) will have the answer.



-stop arguing, it takes two to argue so if you just refuse its an easy end to this bad.
-when things settle down; ask if you can set up some rules about spending, sharing. If one boy goes off in a huff and is sleeping of the sofa the other can ask him to return to the bed and he has to. Never argue in public.
-text him at least ten times a day "i love you".
-become a less private person, your not doing anything wrong or special different. Give him that. Get some personal therapy if necessary to fix this. Worst case you will need it in your next relationship.

let us know what you think?