01-25-2012, 11:45 PM
Hello dlboy.... I think some of it has to do with luck, some of it to do with who you are and personality (it must be more difficult for shy people than for outgoing ones) but some of it might even have to do with being in a certain area of the country. I daresay if you lived in California the opportunities, even on Grindr, would certainly be greater than in Boise, Idaho. Patience is a virtue, indeed, but when it comes to relationships, you do have to do some of the work. It's not going to just happen if you stay closed in behind doors or in front of your computer.
A question: do you go towards people that you find potentially interesting when you see their profiles, or when they appear on Grindr... or do you actually wait for someone to discover your profile and then expect them to make the first move?
I believe that putting out your profile is probably not sufficient to sell your wares and the positive things that you could offer someone, kindness, warmth aren't things that transpire from a profile. You need to start engaging with someone.
So my suggestion, if you haven't already indulged in it, is to be a little more forward and actually invite some of the people you'd like to meet... Of course, they may not answer and you've got to be ready to take some amount of rejection or indifference, but maybe out there is that special someone whose personality you'll match.
Another suggestion might also be to engage conversations and initiate things with people who don't live on your doorstep. Maybe take a trip to other parts of the country, places where gay men go or are present in greater numbers. Of course, you'll still have to sort among the frogs and the opportunists, but the chances will be greater. Think of it as trying to have a baby without an IVF. You've really got to blast those spermatozoa at the ova for them to hatch.
The third thing is you've got to really be ready in your mind. Ready to follow up on some of those meetings and ready to start thinking ''Fuck it, I'm gay and the world can find out, it doesn't matter to me.'' It might make the difference between a one night fling with a stranger and a full blown relationship.
One last thing of importance, to me, is that you've still got to be truthful about what you're looking for, ie a hookup, or a serious relationship, or just say that you don't know where this is leading to for the moment... you're working on it.
Remember that there are basically two ways of finding that special someone: there's the struck by lightning way (love at first sight) but that's probably quite rare, and there's the more common love that develops between two people after they've first struck a friendship and foound a delight in being in each other's company... I believe that's probably more common, so maybe a friendship is what you need to strive for first.
In any case, good luck.
A question: do you go towards people that you find potentially interesting when you see their profiles, or when they appear on Grindr... or do you actually wait for someone to discover your profile and then expect them to make the first move?
I believe that putting out your profile is probably not sufficient to sell your wares and the positive things that you could offer someone, kindness, warmth aren't things that transpire from a profile. You need to start engaging with someone.
So my suggestion, if you haven't already indulged in it, is to be a little more forward and actually invite some of the people you'd like to meet... Of course, they may not answer and you've got to be ready to take some amount of rejection or indifference, but maybe out there is that special someone whose personality you'll match.
Another suggestion might also be to engage conversations and initiate things with people who don't live on your doorstep. Maybe take a trip to other parts of the country, places where gay men go or are present in greater numbers. Of course, you'll still have to sort among the frogs and the opportunists, but the chances will be greater. Think of it as trying to have a baby without an IVF. You've really got to blast those spermatozoa at the ova for them to hatch.
The third thing is you've got to really be ready in your mind. Ready to follow up on some of those meetings and ready to start thinking ''Fuck it, I'm gay and the world can find out, it doesn't matter to me.'' It might make the difference between a one night fling with a stranger and a full blown relationship.
One last thing of importance, to me, is that you've still got to be truthful about what you're looking for, ie a hookup, or a serious relationship, or just say that you don't know where this is leading to for the moment... you're working on it.
Remember that there are basically two ways of finding that special someone: there's the struck by lightning way (love at first sight) but that's probably quite rare, and there's the more common love that develops between two people after they've first struck a friendship and foound a delight in being in each other's company... I believe that's probably more common, so maybe a friendship is what you need to strive for first.
In any case, good luck.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
