What I am going thru

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm just a regular guy, that has a lot going on both physcally and mentally. I have suffered from depression, and the need to have that right person in my life.

People are not to be used for medicinal purposes. Relationships based on 'need' to cling, or feel better for self rarely workout well.

My problem lies with the distance btwn the two of us (this was also an issue wit my last relationship). And We cant see each other as much as we want, it then becomes a trying situation when I'm horny and want him. Because of the distance I have been look else where to fulfill my sexual desires.

Love is a tricky thing, it often - very often, requires sacrifices and compromises. If you can't sacrifice gratification of the sex to wait for this guy, then you are unable to perform this aspect of a relationship and you should seek someone who either a. allows for this (an open relationship) or find some one who you do not need to go running around looking for extra sex with.

This latter may sound good on paper, but long term relationships see dry spells. Stress, work, general life business quickly kills the libido, and rarely does that work out to where both partners are too tired, too stressed out to have sex. More often than not one wants it and the other is not interested and they take turns playing these roles.

Many night I fall asleep with a hard on, and wake up with the need to have the attention, affection, pressence of a man. I felt at one point in a past relationship that I had grow dependent on my lover, not for nothing but his affection & love. I don't want this neediness to be over baring on the person I am interested now.

Its good you see that this is unhealthy behavior, but there are reasons why you are this way and by and large if you ignore the underlying problem, this symptom will persist.


All in all this is not the time for you to be in an 'us' type environment. I suspect you are unable to work on 'us' (a relationship) because you need to work on 'me' (which is you).

You need to work on the physical and mental/emotional issues you have. As long as you refuse to, or find reasons not to, they will continue to be a pretty big issue.

Now is a good time to set a reasonable goal of one year break from relationships - up too and including the messier 'one night stand hook ups' and work on answering the questions:

Who am I?
What are my needs in life?
What changes do I need to make in myself?

And similar ones as YOU think of them.

I would also suggest therapy to help you figure out where and how much influence depression has in your life.

There are sliding scale and even free mental health programs in the USA. No they are not easy to find. I suggest starting with the public health department in your town and go from there. Programs are different from state to state even county to county.