Not sure if I should or not...

[Mrmatty376]

Hallo,

I don't know if I'm just wanting to vent or if I'm asking for advice, but anywho...
I told a friend of mine and explained the whole situation about my friend. She didn't mind at all and took it very well. She didn't know what to say about my friend though but it hasn't been much of a problem since I got help from some of you.
I'm just wondering if it would be okay to just stop hiding it. I mean, not come out to my friend or my family or the people at work, but to just stop acting like I'm straight and just be, well, me and then let whoever find out that way. I plan to tell my friend sometime soon, and i really don't want to make it noticeable to my family for the fear of them disowning me. That wont be hard though since they are so far away and I talk to them not even once a week.
But yeah, I don't know, I'm just kinda tired of hiding. I don't like acting in front of every person I meet. But it's just a thought really. I don't really think it'll make an impact unless its my friend and my family that I tell, and i'm not ready to lose their respect. :confused:

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Tired of hiding.

Yeah one would think that laying low and not being noticed would be relaxing - but I fear its anything but.

I cannot tell you to run out of your closet or not. That is ultimately a matter of your comfort level.

Tell me honestly, how many people have walked up to you, stood before you, digging their toe into the ground beneath them and stuttered 'I - I'm straight...' in a hushed tone expecting you to blow up or jump for joy?

I bet that has never, ever, ever happened.

They go about their lives being themselves - mostly (we all wear masks - a different thread).

I suspect that if you gradually start lowering the 'straight man' mask, no one will notice.

No one notices when your hair grows longer day by day, but everyone has a comment to make when you get a hair cut.... Humans are silly creatures, adapting rather readily to slow changes and only noticing when the change is sudden, or announced.

You can throw them in a cool pot of water and turn on the heat and they will relax and allow the water to slowly boil them to death, toss them into a boiling pot of water they get all upset. Oh and frogs too I understand :tongue:

I understand that tiredness. It does wear a person down to play at a role 24/7 day after day. It wears you down having to think fast on your feet to NOT reveal the gender you are more interested in.

Take baby steps, slowly reveal yourself, and only tell closet friends you can trust when you WANT to - there is no rush. Save the more problematic folk like parents for when you have grown more comfortable really being you.

[Nick9]

Hi Matty,

be careful. You can't take it back once you say it/do it/let others know.

I can relate to your feeling. "I'll say it and the sun will shine brighter." Yes, if you are lucky, it will. You will feel like singing aloud on a street. The thing is, you need to be lucky. Or to know the person very very well.

You are living abroad now, and you are in relatively small community. If the things go wrong, what will happen then?

I mean, not come out to my friend or my family or the people at work

I can understand what you mean, but how would you want to do it? Technically you don't want to come out (that's okay) to people around you. But you don't want to hide it either. I am not sure, how both would be possible. You can stop hiding when you are ready to come out. THEN you don't need to say it aloud, you can just be and let others find out this way.

But yeah, I don't know, I'm just kinda tired of hiding.

I don't know. Is this reason good enough? I do understand it. But when you are tired you are prone to do mistakes.

I don't like acting in front of every person I meet.

Hmm, how exactly? Flirting with women - colleagues? Commenting on women's dress when others do it in front of you?

You said in another thread how you feel about your coworkers, and how they feel about you not drinking alcohol, do you think that they would take it well?

If your colleagues bugging you with questions, let them know you started long distance relationship with someone at home. Let them know this way that you are not interested in anything they may want to push you into.

I would say your friend should be the first, because you feel comfortable around him. When you feel okay with the new feeling about yourself, try to take another step.

I am not sure how much you must hide in your office. And your coworkers are probably the only people you are in direct contact, right? So, if you stop hiding, wouldn't it mean you are coming out to them?

I know how hard it, I do. That "I just want to be!" feeling. Do you need to hide in your free time? Maybe start there. When you leave your office, convince yourself that the rest of the world (apart from your colleagues) already knows. Try to absorb the feeling and you'll see, if you start to act differently.

Who knows, maybe it's your brain that needs to feel differently. Maybe you are acting the same way already, like you would if you were out.
Good luck

[pellaz]

if you come out it would be easier of you had an network of supporting friends. Might work on building the emotional support around you.

coming out for you would be more critical if your boy friend was out and you were not.

[minhthien94]

every big thing starts w the 1st step.

try to tell your one of your closet friends about who you are. if he/she don't like u anymore, he/she is not worth to be your friend. true friends they accept each other and help each other w their flaws.

try to get all the courage and tell your friends 1-by-1. this way, u won't need to pretend 24/7 anymore and start to enjoy your life. :biggrin: