Sagittarius
is it only me or is it normal to exaggerate about your past, specially to your self? Teenage years might just be dramatic year but its been one of the first times I've actually looked back and felt so nostalgic (In a good way).
Most of my life has been so oriented just around one particular memory and I can't help my self to think why? After so many years why have I been so bloody dramatic and not let it past? When I look back to my high school years all I've only done was being depressed cause of loneliness, that was rooted from some events that happened during junior High.
I became very paranoid and distrusted everyone around me, even isolated my self 3 years in-front the computer playing World of Warcraft all day long, I became ratter addicted to the game as it was an alternative escape from my boring life, only cause of my junior high trauma. For as long as my mind was occupied on something other weren't I depressed.
I think much of heaviest depression during the autumn and winter might have been cause of withdrawal from the game and a heavy feeling of meaninglessness, as I've wasted 3 years only in front of games and only games, thats what I most remembered of my teens, and the remaining memories of it was only the bad event that happened in late junior high.
I think I am a master at ignoring my self, as I've really done nothing against my depression and I've never processed that event, although I went many times to the school counselor after it but it gave nothing, it was like taking to a wall.
As time heals all wounds, but if you don't help the body and bandage the wound will you keep bleeding, thats pretty much what I would. What I just realized when I was with my friend listening to the music I once liked that I've really had a nice childhood if it weren't for that reason, and if I would just have been able to let go of that, I would had been able to get some new friends and to get that new start in my life that I have always wanted, if only I had let go of what happened.
It feels like I've seen the light and feel able to move on, that it was just so obvious and I've been a moron for not being able to move on. But I still wonder if it is just an illusion, that my depression will backlash at me again when I don't expect it, or if it just was seasonal depression as its spring now. How do I know? Anyhow it just felt good letting it of my chest here.
Most of my life has been so oriented just around one particular memory and I can't help my self to think why? After so many years why have I been so bloody dramatic and not let it past? When I look back to my high school years all I've only done was being depressed cause of loneliness, that was rooted from some events that happened during junior High.
I became very paranoid and distrusted everyone around me, even isolated my self 3 years in-front the computer playing World of Warcraft all day long, I became ratter addicted to the game as it was an alternative escape from my boring life, only cause of my junior high trauma. For as long as my mind was occupied on something other weren't I depressed.
I think much of heaviest depression during the autumn and winter might have been cause of withdrawal from the game and a heavy feeling of meaninglessness, as I've wasted 3 years only in front of games and only games, thats what I most remembered of my teens, and the remaining memories of it was only the bad event that happened in late junior high.
I think I am a master at ignoring my self, as I've really done nothing against my depression and I've never processed that event, although I went many times to the school counselor after it but it gave nothing, it was like taking to a wall.
As time heals all wounds, but if you don't help the body and bandage the wound will you keep bleeding, thats pretty much what I would. What I just realized when I was with my friend listening to the music I once liked that I've really had a nice childhood if it weren't for that reason, and if I would just have been able to let go of that, I would had been able to get some new friends and to get that new start in my life that I have always wanted, if only I had let go of what happened.
It feels like I've seen the light and feel able to move on, that it was just so obvious and I've been a moron for not being able to move on. But I still wonder if it is just an illusion, that my depression will backlash at me again when I don't expect it, or if it just was seasonal depression as its spring now. How do I know? Anyhow it just felt good letting it of my chest here.
Sometimes you need a bit of chaos in your life to be able to shrug off pitiful disdain about something meaningless.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
