Ready for a new start...

[Zet]

is it only me or is it normal to exaggerate about your past, specially to your self? Teenage years might just be dramatic year but its been one of the first times I've actually looked back and felt so nostalgic (In a good way).

Most of my life has been so oriented just around one particular memory and I can't help my self to think why? After so many years why have I been so bloody dramatic and not let it past? When I look back to my high school years all I've only done was being depressed cause of loneliness, that was rooted from some events that happened during junior High.

I became very paranoid and distrusted everyone around me, even isolated my self 3 years in-front the computer playing World of Warcraft all day long, I became ratter addicted to the game as it was an alternative escape from my boring life, only cause of my junior high trauma. For as long as my mind was occupied on something other weren't I depressed.

I think much of heaviest depression during the autumn and winter might have been cause of withdrawal from the game and a heavy feeling of meaninglessness, as I've wasted 3 years only in front of games and only games, thats what I most remembered of my teens, and the remaining memories of it was only the bad event that happened in late junior high.

I think I am a master at ignoring my self, as I've really done nothing against my depression and I've never processed that event, although I went many times to the school counselor after it but it gave nothing, it was like taking to a wall.

As time heals all wounds, but if you don't help the body and bandage the wound will you keep bleeding, thats pretty much what I would. What I just realized when I was with my friend listening to the music I once liked that I've really had a nice childhood if it weren't for that reason, and if I would just have been able to let go of that, I would had been able to get some new friends and to get that new start in my life that I have always wanted, if only I had let go of what happened.

It feels like I've seen the light and feel able to move on, that it was just so obvious and I've been a moron for not being able to move on. But I still wonder if it is just an illusion, that my depression will backlash at me again when I don't expect it, or if it just was seasonal depression as its spring now. How do I know? Anyhow it just felt good letting it of my chest here.

[Rainbowmum]

It's not just you ,
I do it also , at times I look back and think , why did I not let slide?

It's easier for us to see the trivial side of drama , when we are removed from it .
We are no longer feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable.

[Nick9]

Well, I wanted to say that it was because when we are teens we tend to think that the life is now and at thirty there is no reason to be alive, because people at their 30 are just awfully old.

But then I realized your age. That sucks, man :biggrin: So, I guess I can't use that explanation, can I? :biggrin:

As for your last paragraph, I think that everything is possible. But if it comes back again one day, you will know that it WILL go away again. You will remember the feeling of being free and it will help to overcome the dark day.
Enjoy your current happy feelings and don't prepare for the battle that may never come.

[azulai]

You sound good, Zet, really good. I'm glad you are feeling better.
From 15 to 18 was really rough and emotional for me, then like you it was as if I could see things differently suddenly. I'm just so grateful I struggled through it and got to the other side.

What I realized when I look back was I didn't have coping skills and I internalized the pain and pressure and directed it at myself.

I did work on discovering things that were my safety (running, my music, meditation, writing, stuff like that) that I go to when I feel myself slipping. They all kind of help me breathe, and regain focus. Sometimes the only thing that helps is a trusted friend to talk to and help me put things in perspective.

I've had minor setbacks but I find it easier now that I know myself and how to regain control. Realizing my emotional limits has helped me know when I need to step back and work on things.

You sound a lot more focused and stronger. I think you are doing great. Maybe think of things that you've done that helped you focus and strengthen you. Take care.

[dfiant]

I think that is a common thing Zet.

Try not to regret mistakes made, instead learn from the mistakes you make and improve yourself. Mistakes are life's lessons.

I can absolutely relate to reclusion as much of my teen years were spent in reclusion. Didn't have computers when I was a teenager so I immersed myself in music and reading. I would devour a novel in a day or two, but if you could know me now you would not think that I was a reclusive teen. I don't regret it as it is an experience of mine that I use to better myself, and I can also use to empathise with those that are going through something similar.

[Nick9]

Beautifully said, Azulai.
I hope SadSilence will come across this thread and find something that would help him in his own battle.

[Zet]

God I am horrible at replying posts :redface:
I've never looked at being 30 as a bad age, but I agree with being narrow minded when you are that young Although I am still only living for the moment but only due to that I think I still recover from my depressions, but also the future scares me a lot quite frankly.

"Its the mistakes that makes us humans, as a person who has never failed have never tried", I guess negative memories have bigger impact then positive. Everything shape us in both ways, from a positive view has it made me realize the value of a true friend

Thanks again for your support

[Nick9]

God I am horrible at replying posts :redface:
I've never looked at being 30 as a bad age,

So, it was just me? :confused::biggrin:

Although I am still only living for the moment but only due to that I think I still recover from my depressions, but also the future scares me a lot quite frankly.

Yeah, I am doing the exact thing :frown:

"Its the mistakes that makes us humans, as a person who has never failed have never tried", I guess negative memories have bigger impact then positive. Everything shape us in both ways, from a positive view has it made me realize the value of a true friend

Nicely said. I hope your good mood will last

[Gizzie]

I often feel nostalgic about my teenage years and first half of my twenties.

Of course being a teenager was tough and fun, but the amount of thing I was exposed to during my early twenties was amazing.

I think early twenties are the magical years because you are young and pretty, legally able to party,you are fit and strong enought to keep partying and hold down a job at the same time, and everything is so new.


Looking back now, despite being depressed and crazy, I think it was the best time of my life where I experienced all my emotions to the extreme.

Now I am more laid back and happy, but never as intensely happy as I was back then. .. But never immensely depressed either.

As for the drama, I never was the drama queen... But I do see that I have become better at letting things slide. I guess it's all a part of growing up.