It's not enough...?

[SadSilence]

Okay well I found a rubber band, well more like a tight hair band to put around my wrist. Ive been snapping it like crazy to try and sate that 'hunger' I don't know what to do. The hair band doesn't sate that need for clarity of the pain. The clarity of the cut. To know that I bleed red like everyone else. What should I do?

[ceez]

maybe use a red marker along with the rubber band, or you could ask your therapist for some suggestions. after a while it will get easier to resist and you will feel much better. mile:

[Nick9]

Hi SadSilence,

my first choice would be your therapist.
The suggestions of one of the therapists my friends knows were:
ice. If you hold it against your skin for some time, it hurts like hell. Be careful not to sustain frostbite though.
A rubber/eraser? (the school thing for erasing pencils). It creates feeling like burn would do.
Cutting something else.
Aim that negative energy and physical need of action at something else: screaming, playing aggressive video games
When the urge is unbearable, get out of the room, of the house, call someone, start writing, do some physically hard work - again try to distract yourself

Zeon is trying to quit smoking right now. I would say you both have similar withdrawal symptoms.

you are doing great!

[pellaz]

The hair band doesn't sate that need for clarity of the pain. The clarity of the cut.

is the clarity is there, just a lot of noise in your life?

[zeon]

Okay well I found a rubber band, well more like a tight hair band to put around my wrist. Ive been snapping it like crazy to try and sate that 'hunger' I don't know what to do. The hair band doesn't sate that need for clarity of the pain. The clarity of the cut. To know that I bleed red like everyone else. What should I do?

Hello,
What you need to do is place a chat post on here to off load some things... Alternatively when i was suffering with depression if you want to put some things personal in your life and not share here why not create an account at studentcentre.org im a tad too old for that site now but if u look up user ID zexer you will see my life there as i suffered for 18 months and it kept me sort of on track

www.studentcentre.org

kindest regards

aunty zeon x

[Rainbowmum]

Well done babe , so very proud of you.
You need to use the band as a reminder not to cut, not as a substitute.

Every time you snap that band , remind yourself how strong you can be.

[Gizzie]

I am really happy for you.
I really like reading your past few posts because now I can see who you really are

As a substitute/ keeping your mind off, i suggest chilli.
Dont over do it because it can upset your stomach and what not,
but i find that the spiciness help take my mind off a lot of things.

Once I ate a supre hot bowl of ramen that had tons of red chilli powder in it and I totally felt an adrenaline rush. LOL

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Find a constructive passion and throw yourself at/in it.

I have found that trimming shrubbery helps me to get through 'stuff' and process feelings and escape my own personal addictions. Anger - Snip. Sadness - Snip Snip. Hurt - snip snip... I pare down the shrubbery, paring away parts of my angst in life.

Granted the shrubberies quiver in fear when I pick up the hedge sheers... But it works for me.

I also build things - I like working with wood. When I'm moody and discontent I find that shaping woods is therapeutic. From furniture to gazebos, to jewelry boxes and toys for the nieces and nephews. "Gifts" to be given have even more therapeutic value.

I also play the violin. Well I just fiddle around with it.

These 'things' I do give me other ways to channel what I feel, and when I throw myself into doing something, I often find lots of clarity and focus. Its meditative, its makes me move my body - sweat - often, working out the body to work on those inner pains.

I also used to lift weights. No I wasn't seeking to be the next Mr. Universe. I wanted to look better and feel better and discovered that the work outs lead to me pushing my body and gave me something to focus on such as proper breathing when straining under a bit of iron.

There was also the physical pain to the workout. The day after soreness and stiffness satisfied a lot of needs in me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I just had a 'duh' moment.

As you know I did methamphetamine (speed, crystal, lots of pretty names) for, well a few years. While I speak of in terms of 'drug addiction' I wasn't just addicted to the rush and high of the drug, I was also very addicted to the needle - the implement.

I call it 'Romancing the Needle'.

For me it wasn't all about getting the drug in the arm, it was about the preparing the, drug, preparing the needle, preparing the injection site. Little things like drawing the poison up into the syringe to the holding it up right and tapping its side to get the air bubbles to the top. Then came the little prick, finding the vein, then drawing a bit of blood up - seeing the blood, then slowly pushing the plunger down knowing I was merely a few heartbeats away from jumping out of this world to the next.

During the first year of my program of recovery I had my first sponsor whose drug of choice was pills. I tried to explain to her what I was experiencing about my desire to just inject water. She pulled out a sewing needle and told me to use that instead.

I knew right then and there that a sewing needle pricking the skin wasn't what I was looking for. It took me quite a while and a few relapses to figure out the whole 'romancing the needle' thing.

In your case, its not all about the pain. Yeah sure, the pain and the release it gives you is the ultimate goal, but you have the the whole romancing the paraphernalia.

You are not romancing that rubber-band - you are only snapping it.

All addicts romance their paraphernalia. Alcoholism is not just about getting the alcohol into the stomach, it is also about the bottle, the can, the glass and the sensations and sights - from the sounds of the liquid filling the glass to the feel of that glass in the hand.

Smokers don't smoke just for the nicotine, they romance the lighter, the tube of tobacco filled paper - all of the little actions and those from tamping the pack to fingering the lighter, to the sound and scent of the cigarette being lit - its all part of the addiction.

That rubber-band is not satisfying all of these other impulses, these desires and expectations. Cutting is not just a simple act, its a ritual and you are missing that ritual. You are missing the romance.

Figure out a way to romance the rubber-band.