Therapist

[JNeely]

So I've been working on the whole "coming out of the closet thing:.

Here's a few things that my therapist has said, that I disagree with.

He thinks I'm gay, but I still really enjoy the company of a woman, as well as the sex.
I also have different romantic feelings between the 2 different sexes. With women, its hard to have a romantic moment, but I can with the right woman. With a man it almost feels romantic every time we have sex.

The other thing is;
I'm highly interested in bears/daddy types. My therapist mentioned that he thinks it has ties going back to my own father? No idea what he means by this but I disagree completely.


Anyone have some input?

[dfiant]

Go with your gut...therapists are paid to be good guessers.

[JNeely]

Thanks, didnt really think of it that way.

[fenris]

Hi and Welcome,


I don´t know if it is important to find a name for what you are and if you like bears... its OK..why asking why ? I could imagine that you are bisexual.... that would explain why you are attracted to both genders... you have to decide if you need more "contact" with a man.
It is not important to know why we are like we are or why you are attracted by a group of men.... important is, that you find you way to be a happy being.

[Nick9]

Hi,
you don't need someone to tell you how you feel. To give you a sticker and put you in the right box.

As for the father comment - he can mean that you are instinctively looking for a strong figure in your life. It can be either because you love your father, or hate him, reasons doesn't make much difference.
If you don't understand what he is saying, you should definitely ask him

[JNeely]

Well I had to take a break from going for a week, and when that week was over he never bothered to call me back. Kinda showed me that he didnt care much, unless he's just giving me some space. Maybe I'll give him a call so we can catch up. Its been months since I've seen him (my therapist).

[Rainbowmum]

Hello and welcome.

There is not much I can add that the others have not covered.
It sounds to me like you are treating the therapist words as the only way.

That is not so, he can give you advice , but he cannot , dictate your feeling and attractions.

[Sequard]

You are into those type of guys because as you grow you must have had this person around you very close so it serves as a role model of what type of preson u like right now, that is why your therapist thinks that

[Bowyn Aerrow]

First, no therapist knows 100% certain what is going through your mind. They are not mind readers.

Different therapists take different approaches depending on how they operate and the patient they are dealing with. But its all pretty much an attempt to get a peek into your mind and to get you to look deeper at yourself.

Are you certain the therapist is telling you what you are, or is he making suggestions for you to explore?

I have had several therapists and each one have made it clear that they are not going to tell me what I am - but instead they are making suggestions to me so I can explore potentials and decide for myself the 'truth' for myself. The only time I have had a therapist tell me what I am is when it came time to diagnosing certain issues. Then the label applying was to give us a common frame of reference in order to talk about 'stuff'. Or to seek further therapies.

"I think...." May be his way of making a suggestion. If he is saying 'I know....." then he is telling you what you are X.

Seeing a therapist is partly about the exploration of different avenues that you yourself may not have ventured down, or even noticed as 'potential' paths.

From what little you said I would have to agree with the thought that you are 'gay' - Because your interest appears to be predominately with people of the same gender as you. Technically you fall under the much broader term 'bisexual'... but as you travel through society you will discover there is little wiggle room for bisexuals. Ultimately it doesn't matter what label I decide to slap on you and under what drawer I file you away - that is my frame of reference.

Many bisexuals switch back and forth between the labels 'Gay' and 'Straight' mostly depending on who they are with at the time. Its a convenience thing since society (and the gay community) tends to have an either/or approach and tends to have issues accepting a bisexual. It is possible your therapist was opening the door for you to consider this label changing, to make it a fluid notion in your head about your sexuality, thus enabling you (giving you permission) to label yourself as you want, or as you need. Its your label - you decide.

As for the idea that your fascination with bear types may relate to your 'daddy issues'. I understand this concept. I have no idea what your issues are with your father. But if you have issues getting his love, support, pride, approval it is possible that you are seeking these things in the men you prefer.

Again, its just an avenue for you to explore. Perhaps if you studied the subject and explored it a little you will get some insight to some things about yourself. Then again, you might actually see that 'nope, that's not it' applies to you.

Therapists usually don't chase their patients down unless the patient may be at risk for self harm or harming others. Therapists will play this role of being tolerant of your going away and coming back, because they know that there are periods where a person needs to stop looking deeply and just think about what they have discovered so far. They tend to take the 'give him space' approach, knowing full well that when you need to talk you will pretty much make an appointment.

I think (not saying this is your 'truth') I think that maybe you are approaching therapy with an understanding about it that is not altogether what therapy is about.

I think this - Only you know in the end, but do please explore this idea....

[East]

I'm highly interested in bears/daddy types. My therapist mentioned that he thinks it has ties going back to my own father? No idea what he means by this but I disagree completely.


Anyone have some input?

A good therapist will lead you to the water......not force it down your throat....

There is a theory out there that alot of therapists and psychiatrists help others in an attempt to help themselves..

...nothing wrong with that as long as they understand when they are talking about you versus talking about themselves...