SadSilence,
life is not a battle.
I know it feels like it many times. I know, trust me. But it doesn't mean that a nice day is a victory and a bad day is our failure. We live in a stream, sometimes going up the stream, sometimes we want to rest and take a few steps down the stream. Yes, sometimes the current sweep us off your feet and we spend a while gulping for air.
Water brings bad and good things toward us, some will knock us bad, some good will appear in front of us, and we won't even know how they got so close.
But for the most of those things that float with the current down toward us, for most of them we must actively reach. Spot it, take a step, reach for it and grasp it before the current takes them away.
Up until yesterday you hardly glanced up to look around. Yesterday, you not only spotted something, you took the step. I don't care if you missed it, and the current took it away, or if you grasped it, and only after that you realized that it was not what you hoped for.
For now, I am ecstatic for you noticing and taking the step.
For many things that you will want in your life, you will have to take those steps. Not waiting for them to happen.
You've just started, and that is good. Don't go back to counting how many inches of water you are in. Sure, mother nature gave some of us just a knee-deep current, while others almost treading water all the time.
Don't feel like you lost a battle. From what I see, you are doing better and better everyday